May Newsletter – 2013

“Die Hard VI”  A Day Too Late a Day to Wait

So Michael has been at it again. He’s now so concerned that every word that comes out of his mouth will make it into the newsletter, that he uses a delay mechanism to regulate his speech. It’s strange to see his lips moving and then hear the abridged version of what he’s saying 5 seconds later. This means he slips up every now and then, and he’s coming out with some great lines. His favourite oracle is the Daily Mail Online!

Exactly, I thought you’d all draw the same conclusion. Well, his legs have appeared in both the printed form and online. Somehow he seems to have a foot in both camps. He was stood behind Rod and Penny on the promenade in Naples at the time, “Hot Legs”, more Pale Shelter.

My how Michael has been working out! According to the Mail Online he’s now “Tortilla” shaped, well what rich vein that will be. Is he a chip off the old block? I didn’t realise he had such a big chip on his shoulders! Chips and Guacamole with everything: ad infinitum.

Please feel free to add your own suggestion; I was only getting the ball rolling. I mean who’d want to be a friend of Dorito!

Really, I thought that was a good joke and I’m standing by it. Anyways Michael is a very good friend, and trust me gives as good as he gets. Always setting me up to knock me down, and every time I fall for it. Obviously I wasn’t the sharpest tool and I never wanted to be, why be what you can’t? Perhaps I’m more Swiss army Knife with all the attachments.

Every job has the perfect tool and let us see if I have one those tools to get things out Rhino’s hooves, but more importantly, a corkscrew. Talking of Rhinos, a friend is here from Kenya, she has spent the last little while holed up in Nairobi with only the internet for solace, and of course the newsletter. In this period she discovered YouTube, sneezing pandas and other such cuddly animal stories. This is not quite the same person I know, who when a troop of baboons invaded and then ransacked her safari lodge, gorging themselves on jars of chilli sauce and rare honey. Ewww! This friend, who we shall l call Diana “The Huntress” exacted a similar and terrible revenge to Neil and the pigeons blighting his peaceful existential existence in Ibiza. Listen mate, it’s the not the pigeons I’d worry about you’ve got party animal Eugene to do that for you.  And Eugenia don’t think you’re not safe from the baboons! Bere!

My month has flown by, and those of you who have been paying attention will know you’ve been getting it twice a month. I’m not sure how long I’ll be able to keep that up, but I’ll try not to let it be a flash in the pan.

In the last week I was stranded in Italy due to strong winds, flights were moved and cancelled. Apparently someone was using a hairdryer close to the runway and this caused all incoming flights to be cancelled, but as someone said to me, there wasn’t going to be hair out of place amongst any of the staff.

At least Italy the time stranded was not wasted, I could still do a little work, and the country still has some beautiful sights t offer; and I have a beautiful guide to show me around. Tony was there for a few days and one day he joined us for lunch, and Rita served us a fantastic meal at Trattoria Gabriello.

But this period is full of birthdays and anniversaries. Firstly congratulations to Sam and Claire. Sam I hope you finally shaved the beard off and were around long enough to have a wonderful meal together before heading off once again into space. Then there was also Suhul and Sarah; as you may recall Suhul was a prospective target for one of Neil’s special tattoos, and he did look rather worried. He has survived and flourished, but he still has problems with his addiction to caffeine. He’ll deny it, but we both know the truth.

Exactly at the moment I am writing these words, Alistair will be marrying Victoria. They are a lovely couple and although I was invited it is unlikely I will be able to make it, which is a shame because I would love to have been there. If only to get drunk! I think Al may have been liberally applying the “Nice and Easy” I supplied him, just to make sure he really is a “Strawberry Blonde”.

Looks like his on his wedding day everything will be coming up daisies!  Al may eventually work that one out.

Lunch on Wednesday Al, don’t be late, we’ll be waiting for you downstairs in reception to take you for a slap-up meal. Easy Mr Creosote; after all nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

After their honeymoon, which looks like it will be a gastronomic tour of Italy, Al will have to head for the gym. I know this because Al is one of the fussiest people I know about the fit of his shirts, and everything else. Now he’s bad, but not as bad as me. Perhaps he could design an App for that.

And any glaring mistakes in the newsletter are down to me being overtired.

Last week I was up with the larks to go and see Star Trek – Into Darkness, with Tony. I loved it, great escapism. 9am at the Imax was asking a bit, but I roused myself, and we walked there. However I do have a gripe, maybe I’m getting old, maybe the eyesight is fading, maybe the hearing isn’t what it was, but why oh why, do they insist on doing all these films in 3D. It would have been brilliant in 2D. The Imax is great, but it just didn’t do it justice. Heavens I’m starting to sound like a spotty teenager. I wish!

Ever astonished by people’s attempt to avoid paying tax, it looks like Sig. D&G may end up in prison for failing to pay tax on €1 billion. Hold on a minute I’ve just found a crinkled fiver in me pocket. I’m rich, rich……

Copyright © 2013 Adrian Holdsworth. All Rights Reserved.

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