Mid September 2013 – Volpe Newsletter

So sales of Real Madrid shirts have gone up in Tiger Bay. I bet that’s improved their finances.

It looks like Real are going to be playing Crissy and Garry in tandem. Apparently they’ll be attacking from deep tormenting defences with their pace, running at them, their tight shorts and silky ball skills mesmerizing the centre backs. Perhaps, they could take it to another level, and run together holding hands, their shirts hugging their taught torsos, hair slicked back with styling product striking fear into every butch centre half. Today Cristiano is wearing a little concealer, this morning he’d noticed the beginnings of a spot, and he always wants to look his very best in front of camera.

Apologies for that, but it was a little something for those amongst us who have been boycotting Russian products.

Geoffrey, by boycotting I didn’t mean you, this isn’t Test Match Special, and Johnners please stop sniggering, it’s only making matters worse. Look at the pair of you, this is childish and immature.

It’s not as though he was trying to get his leg over and whipped the bails off in the process. Bails, bails, not Bale’s. Oh, for heaven’s sake, sit down and calm down, some people are sooo touchy, you couldn’t make it up. Yes I know I can, but it’s my newsletter, so stop interrupting.

Michael did let his guard down a little on holiday on Mykonos, because the only vodka available in most places was Smirnoff. He came back slightly darker than when he left, but he still refused to show me his legs, which always would be cadaverous. But I understand, like me he is prone to lying on the cold bathroom floor to stop the room from spinning.

Monday was Tony’s Birthday, but what preceded this was a weekend of debauchery. Andreas (From the heavy drinking north of Europe) who was with us fell asleep in a club in Soho. He drinks shots like looking for a silver bullet, but his lack of sleep has nothing to do with lycanthropy, he has a new born, like one or two others of you. Congratulations to you all. Just don’t follow Andreas’s example!

On Sunday I had a sumptuous cinematic experience when I went to see “La Grande Bellezza”. Fabulous darlinks, fabulous. How life should be lived. So good in fact I went to see it again.

I’m back from Ibiza, a few days of R&R, a little tanned, a little orange perhaps, but all in all in much better shape than before I went. I’ll be straight back in the gym to carry on the good work, but I will now need waxing and plucking. Heaven knows the limits I will go to, to emulate Cristiano. I’ve had a very large 9 tattooed on my back, unless of course I’m standing on my head.

Salinas at 9am

Salinas at 9am

Neil was a little unsure about doing this tattoo, but I know he has had stranger requests, but his main concern is Scratch who has not been well. Get well soon princess.

Eugene on the other hand has been to “Burning Man”, he’s such a party animal.

Thank you all for your interest in the jeep, we pushed the limits in terms of getting the price that we wanted. Not a bad effort, the girls did their part and looked great. My prose and additions were as always the star of the piece.

Hah, you weren’t expecting me to be that conceited.

Florence has once again become a place of rich pickings. On my last trip, I staggered through the airport, my arms full of plundered cashmere for those of you who wanted such things. And things of beauty they will become!

I must admit I was a little warm it was 28C, but one has to do what one can to get round those hand baggage rules……

Now a little something for the ladies.

This is my friend Andrea’s website: http://www.andreamorettisartoria.com/

He is a remarkable talent, and makes the most exquisite ladies garments. We have been collaborating a little, but I feel he needs his own moment alone in the spotlight. I am going to try and persuade him to come here in the next couple of months to do a trunk show.

Andrea 2

He trained in London, so it will be good to have him back here.

Andrea 1

Copyright © 2013 Adrian Holdsworth. All Rights Reserved.



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