We’ve been trying to keep you entertained with new stock, however sometimes nothing beats the musings and rantings that assault you on a regular basis.

So I’d hope I’d get this out before you went home, but I appear to have been paralysed by jet lag, and sleep deprivation.

That will teach me to spend the weekend in the company of Adam in the Big Apple. Now I know we’re small, but we’re not that small, we weren’t running round around the inside of a new iPhone 6 plus!

The bottle did say drink me, so we did, and another, and another and….. you get the drift.

It was New York, for heaven’s sake.

And as always no sooner do I mention the inclement weather, but the sun comes out and all of a sudden shorts and Birkenstocks are then ‘de rigueur’.

However if you are the slightest bit ‘Metrosexual’ it will be ankle length trousers and driving shoes exposing a shapely, porcelain white ankle.

That hipster beard is starting to itch like a camel’s naughty bits and having left the toes unkempt over the winter means the hair on them is now long enough to be plaited and beaded.

At least Perseus is getting his hair done.

STOP PRESS……..

You are reading this and now you’re 38 seconds in, Stevie G hasn’t heard the whistle to start the second half and he continues the long established half-time tradition of the stomping of the divot.

Well, that would have been my excuse, how was I to know that some unsuspecting player from the opposition would have the temerity to try and stomp on the divot that I had run half way across the pitch to lay waste to?

I had a friend who had brought his family all the way from Canada for that game. He will now be fielding questions on his local, Liverpool Supporter’s radio station in Toronto, mild mannered public servant by day, mad, scouse supporting Canadian by night.

It’s not as though public officials in Toronto are prone to heavy partying or smoking crack!

Raheem Sterling is holding out for danger money, seemingly unaware that Stevie G is on his way at the end of the season so the training pitch will be that wee bit safer.

Chelsea are walking away with the Premiership and Jose is celebrating quietly because he is not in the slightest bit emotional. There are one or two that I know who will think I’ve now jinxed it.

Now we’ve got the football out of the way early, here’s something for Mrs. Slowcombe, and those amongst you who like cats. For all those cat lovers amongst you, apparently it’s cute?

And then of course one for the ladies…

I love the way it scrolls into view.

Well, anyway back to politics.

Our illustrious leader is stood steadfastly with his arms folded across his chest, and with regard to the televised debate, Computer says, “Non”. Then along comes Ed MP for Morlays and Woodout (Titter ye not at the back), and somehow tricks Gideon into shaking hands, the game of Tag begins.

All I can think is thank goodness it’s not Kiss Chase, and Musical Chairs won’t work as too many MPs are giving up their seats at this election. There’s a joke in there somewhere, but given the current climate we won’t draw it to your attention.

To escape the madness I ventured to Fuerteventura in search of sunshine to put my seat on a deckchair.

How I love a good panorama.

I know it may start to look like a holiday brochure, but here are some more photos from the moon-like landscape of Fuerteventura or is it Tatooine?

If you look closely, you can see Hans Solo walking away from a slightly damaged, yet salvageable Millennium Falcon.

Back to the Big Apple, where every street is like Oxford Street on the last Saturday before Christmas 24 hours a day.

There was a small respite on Sunday when Adam and I were able to stroll down the middle of 5th Avenue in our Easter Bonnets. I tried to do exactly the same again on Monday, sadly the response from Taxi Drivers and Truck Drivers alike was not as polite as I’d hoped.

I tried to give them a tip or two about etiquette and they less than politely outlined that I knew nothing about tipping. Clearly a dollar bill is less effective than an unkind word and a gun, and no wonder Dustin Hoffman went to see a dentist in New York, try going across town, the roads are so bad that the fillings are shaken from your teeth.

As I am starting to fade, I will leave you with some photos from the New York leg of my trips and when I am slightly more compliant I will comment on the items I have forgotten today.

 

And finally………

Too late…………. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Copyright © 2015 Adrian Holdsworth. All Rights Reserved.