As Winter rolls in, so do the coats and blousons. Less arty this time to actually show what they look like!
It’s taken me while to tie my shoe laces, but you can’t rush perfection.
So, I may have adapted this slip of the tongue, but I wanted to use it before it went viral, as it’s called. I have used my own spin on it, so now it’s mine!!!!!
Repair up to two years of damage for a beautifully smooth economy, or reduce split parties by up to 80% with these two new products from
It’s how you say it!
Anyway new shirts if you were feeling a little blue.
Copyright © 2016 Adrian Holdsworth. All Rights Reserved.
More, much more to follow. Just tying my shoelaces!
Some arty photos of some new stock!
There will of course be more new things.
I have, as I always have; been tripping the light fantastic.
There is some new stock, but this newsletter is merely window dressing, a little foreplay before the main event, call it a drip feed.
I could employ a ‘fluffer’ to keep you all entertained, plumping pillows, stroking cashmere, but already I can feel your minds starting to wander. In a future life I may come back as a goldfish, anyway, where was I? Whoa… stop: side of the bowl!
To begin the beguine, I would like to thank everyone for their support on my little trip to New York. It was a pleasure to see you all, some old friends, and some new.
And I fell in love, her name is Erica, she’s not yet 2 and adorable. Sorry Henry!
As you can gather I will be planning many more jaunts to quench my thirst for wanderlust, and for those of you who are unsure, ‘wanderlust’ is not a cocktail. I can already see this newsletter will be full of explanations, definitions and double entendres, and that’s starting to confuse the spell checker.
I could sit around all day reading philosophy, pretending I understood Seneca, but as a goldfish I swim in shallower water. The world’s sfumatore is a grey mist, I am a child of blue skies, and talking of blue skies, I was back in Ibiza at the weekend.
Neil world famous tattooist invited me out for a few days cycling, he is a changed man, his days of partying are behind him, now it’s all carbon fibre (fiber for the Americans amongst you), gear ratios and black Lycra.
Two great, long rides in two days, the first included a stop for lunch at Puertas del Cielo. I may have had a slight accident afterwards, whilst I was standing still. Why are there always paparazzi around at moments like this?
The second ride was on the beautiful island of Formentera. I had always assumed that the island was entirely flat! Well it is; apart from the long climb up to the lighthouse at Pilar de la Mola.
Creative writing moment… I climbed the hill up to La Mola, my legs still heavy from the previous day’s exertions and the tarmac was dragging on my tyres in the heat, I navigated bend after bend as I made swift progress towards the summit. My thighs were starting to burn and I changed through the gears to keep my cadence steady, beads of sweat forming on my forehead, each turn led to another, the air thinning and filled with the scent of the pine trees, the tight Lycra clinging to me, fifty shades of blue, not much further… OK that’s enough, my mum might be reading this!!!
Neil always carries a spare banana in his Lycra… Stop it!
On the way down to El Faro de la Mola he ate the banana and discarded the skin at the side of the road. We stopped at the lighthouse and took some photos, Neil drank a ‘Red Bull’, tucked the empty can into the pocket on the back of his shirt, we turned round to head back to the village, and a well-deserved beer.
We had cycled a few hundred metres when I was passed by a Police car, lights and siren on. There must have been some sort of emergency, perhaps a lost dog; you know one of those toy ones which live in a handbag, maybe it had locked itself out!
BUT no, they were pulling Neil over.
The older policeman who had been driving was lecturing Neil about the illegal dumping of a banana skin. Neil was saying as it was ‘residuos biodegradables’ (hablo español), he didn’t think there was anything wrong with it and then produced the empty ‘Red Bull’ can from his pocket which he was going to recycle!
The younger policeman in the passenger seat was laughing the whole time.
He’d noticed that Neil was smoking a joint.
This could only happen on Ibiza.
Neil was let off with a reprimand and offered to go back and pick the discarded skin up.
Meanwhile he had sent me the location of a dead hedgehog we’d seen at the side of the road; someone would be back for that later, to add to Neil’s menagerie in formaldehyde!
He was in London at the end of last week for a Tatttoo Convention, a great success and I know he was here to pick up a few special things!
Sadly we missed each other as I was preforming live on stage, well not on stage per say, more I was approached by a number of groupies to produce my best Robin Williams impersonation.
Judge for yourself!
Copyright © 2016 Adrian Holdsworth. All Rights Reserved.
You will be very pleased to know that this newsletter will be mainly all about me!
It will be all mouth and no trousers, in other words, no photos.
Also it comes with a health warning, as it contains references to Shakespeare, Jeremy Corbyn, The Guardian and Radio 4.
Et tu, Brute?
Why? Why? A well-known friend and customer complained to me yesterday that he had lost track of my whereabouts because I was travelling so much. I had to pick my chin from the floor!
This lovely, elegantly attired friend should send one of his copies of Bradshaw’s guides to Mr Corbyn. The Labour leader would then learn what trains to take to avoid sitting on carriage floors. Just because you dress like a student doesn’t mean you have to behave like one!
The Guardian meanwhile suggests the route between Fort William and Mallaig, it is not run by Virgin trains as far as I know, and can be reached on the sleeper from London.
Talking of sleepers, I am being followed. Spied upon? It seems once again I cannot turn a corner without bumping into one of you. Restaurants, bars, airport lounges and street corners you are there, some of you even roping wives and your children in on the pretence!
One or two have resorted to my parenting skills when your patience is wearing thin? I know nothing about Frozen Little Ponies!
But I did pick up one or two little gems, apparently all little girls want to grow up to be princesses, and one or two of my friends have also achieved this status. They will forgive me this quip, because I am Prince Charming. Don’t put your daughter on the stage Mrs Worthington.
However, I imagined that later in life I would turn out to be the offspring of Jeff Bridges and Karen Allen from ‘Starman’, blessed with the knowledge of the universe and my human side would be at its best when things are at their worst.
Apparently I was an early trial of Artificial Intelligence (AI henceforth)
My mother who looms large in these newsletters and knows how to throw a spanner in the works is always confirming this by telling me that I don’t have the brains I was born with!
Mother has what is known as FI ‘Female Intuition’, an alien concept, I was not part of a trial for that!
She really knows which buttons to push!
Talking of AI, I was listening to Radio 4, stop ooooohing at the back, chimpanzees can type and according to the Chaos Theory, they will eventually produce ‘The Auguries of Innocence’, or a set of winning lottery numbers, you have to be in it to win it!
Anyway it was a piece about how one of the barriers to space travel is human anatomy and how we will develop. It discussed the addition of current and future technology to create Android beings and integrating with the technology around us to overcome these hurdles.
Cars that run on plutonium, there’ll be loads of that around now they’re not building Hinkley Point C, kettles that turn on when I pick up my phone when I wake. I may have only picked my phone up to use the torch to find my way to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Hang on who turned the kettle on? Am I alone in the flat and who is in the bathroom?
Then there are the delivery robots; apparently my Prime membership to a certain internet company means because of where I live I can have milk delivered to my door within the hour!
Hang on a mo, by comparison I could spend 58 minutes choosing what to wear before deciding that I looked OK to dash across the street in my curlers, nightie and slippers to get a pint (Sorry half a litre). I could then plug myself back into my sofa suit, and continue to watch my multiscreen entertainment, a little Netflix and chill, on my own, and continue with my Second Life…
And within a generation we’ll have 42,000 disgruntled Uber drivers saying that a nobody has come along a taken their job!
Talking of Android, I was converted to ‘i-things’ a long time ago. Why? Well it is all about I (me).
They were simple to use and didn’t go wrong, very often. It is true that occasionally I would have to duck as Jake’s latest iphone whizzed past my ear followed by the oft used words; ‘This is the worst phone I have ever owned’.
But ihave to agree with Jake from time to time, it is known that itravel a fair amount, a subject we will return to later. A few months ago idropped my phone and iwent to Apple store to effect a repair to a shattered screen. The screen was so badly damaged it was almost impossible to read. The person in the Apple store told me it would take 48 hours (The whole length of an eighties Eddie Murphy film) to repair. As iwas travelling (of course) the next day isought an alternative solution, and had the screen replaced elsewhere, and they did a fantastic job.
After the latest Apple ios 9.3.4 update my screen developed a peculiarly green glow, ghosting, shadows, a whole Blair Witch Project of problems.
So ireturned to Apple, tail between my legs; a long wait and then a 20 minute consultation to be told (as ihad expected), that ihad invalidated any warranty with Apple because the screen replaced by a third party.
The undertone of conversation was that ihad devalued, even defiled the Apple brand, attempting to leave the cult, it was a rehearsed conversation this person had probably had a dozen times before iwas seen at 11am. This is AI, and the future?
This was carried out as some form of ritual humiliation in front of another 8 people around a table, one or two of whom were shifting uncomfortably as if expecting the same fate!
I returned to the people who had originally replaced the screen, they did it free of charge under warranty, with a smile.
OK, so it’s taken a while to explain, but my points are these.
Firstly, from my perspective I run a small clothing business and we know we can all buy clothes anywhere. What I hope sets us apart and creates our success is the service and quality we offer, and the relationship I have with those of you are kind enough to cross the threshold every so often, the smile is extra!
Secondly, Apple has huge retail space, large numbers of staff, faster chips, faster downloads, this is immediate, that is quicker, have it today and apparently ‘it just works’ .
Well it doesn’t, if Apple had applied the principles to after sales care that they employed selling the product in the first place I wouldn’t have had to write this, and in less time than it took them to deal with me!
Project this to the future where we become Android, part human, part technology, and a vital organ that has been transplanted fails, out of urgency and for the sake of argument a replacement that is not ‘Apple approved’ is used. The replacement fails, would we play the same games with a human life? I know it’s a dramatic argument and some people view their phones with a level of necessity that is beyond comprehension, but it is a society we are creating and a dependency that borders on addiction.
This was in part fuelled by the events of today, and the conversation I had last night with an Uber driver who was an Iraqi college professor working in Newham and was working extra hours to look after his two young children.
Copyright © 2016 Adrian Holdsworth. All Rights Reserved.