Don’t Look Now

For those of you who are sitting at your desks twiddling your thumbs…

Luckily, I am still free of COVID-19… and in order to remain free I am not travelling to Hong Kong this weekend. Not that I am fearful of catching the virus, but it is to avoid self-quarantining myself. I couldn’t imagine sitting in a room with my 8 other various personalities for fourteen days, it would surely come to blows, and then a bunfight would ensue as to which one would make it out the other side.

All of them banging on to each other inside my head…

Brace yourself for Storm E for Exaggerated.

I would like to thank the BBC for yet another illuminating story, “How do I stop my trampoline flying off in a storm?”

Tie the ‘£$*^@*’ thing down!

Clearly no one listens to weather warnings anymore, so accustomed have we become to them.

Weather happens, and I feel incredibly sorry for anyone who has had their property damaged by Desmond, yet Radio 4’s roving reporters have struggled to find people who are anything but, either resigned to or sanguine about what has happened, many have been horribly flooded before and probably will be again in the not too distant future. They have exhibited that great British attribute, the Stiff Upper Lip!!

However, the BBC, not only feels that they are currently officially Her Majesty’s opposition given the parlous state of the Labour Party, but is soon to become the Fourth Emergency Service, so rabid is their desire to be at the forefront of everything whilst sporting a North Face jacket and Wellington boots!

Yes, I know I said I would no longer subject myself to Radio 4, but it’s like crack m’lud, and whilst I tried to listen to Classic FM, that was like being on hold to HMRC… I know there are Four Seasons, but I don’t want to be hanging on long enough to live through them all on one call.

Anyway, I will continue to take my drugs like R P McMurphy, and then like Pepin I will try to take Venice.

I was confused and confounded… not for the first time, but that’s a story left for moments of reduced sobriety!

As I crossed the lagoon towards the city the canals looked low, perhaps seas had parted so I could walk across. Hold on, one moment Venice is sinking, the next minute the canals are so dry the Gondoliers are singing ‘I love a Rainy Night!’

It has been surmised that the Mediterranean Sea isn’t tidal. However due to some strange currents in the Northern Adriatic there is a greater tidal surge around Venice, than other parts of the Med, hence the eerie nature of ‘Aqua Alta’. Well it wouldn’t be anything normal, would it?

Researching this, it appears there is as much rivalry in the tidal community as it many other walks of life! Proposal and counter-proposal, some of it left me high and dry!!! Apparently, these strange currents are caused by bulges and the Moon…

Not my first time to Venice as you know, but it was my first time at Carnevale, and not my first time in a mask. My days as Zorro are behind me, but I took the opportunity to resurrect him one last time….

Copyright © 2020 Adrian Holdsworth. All Rights Reserved

The Doomsday Newsletter…

Stop Press – the Doomsday Clock has been moved 20 seconds closer to midnight… the end of the world is nigh? It is now officially one hundred seconds before the end of the world.

I’d better hurry up then, and get the bad stuff out of the way, so you are reading something more uplifting when the lights go out!

According to the scientists we now live in the most dangerous times we have ever lived in.

You mean more dangerous than during the First or Second World wars, the plague, the Cuban missile crisis or the Gulf War? Perhaps, even a time before the ‘Dangerous Dogs Act’?

And then the London Mayor tells us that our great city is the most polluted it has ever been. What tf… Does he not remember the 80’s when you could still smoke on the tube and the particle pollution from the buses created the dunes of Oxford Street, and snow was black? Where did pea soup come from!

I am officially no longer listening to Radio 4, I have had enough of people trying to frighten us all, it’s pathetic. Now they have Corona to scare us with, when I was young Corona was a soft drink, and I used to collect the bottles to get the deposit back!

Just stop it. I have had four conversations with people this morning who I had to talk off ledges because of all this rabid mis-information…

Anyway, armageddon on with this. Yes, I know, I have resorted to poor humour!!!

Until this moment, it is the first time in a while that I have written this on a plane. Perhaps at this altitude I am feeling a little light headed. Pull the mask towards you and breathe normally, please note that the paper bag may not inflate, in cases of hyper-ventilation.

One or two have suggested that my carbon footprint this year is already starting to resemble that of ‘Bigfoot’!

In reply, I can only suggest that we do not peddle fast fashion.

Quite the opposite, it is an entirely sustainable product. Some of you seem to make a suit last for decades. There is no inbuilt obsolescence, no corners cut, and the only cheap labour is me, and my fingers worked to the bone…

I have Greta what’s her name checking her VAR. She has walked the long walk to the side of the pitch and is gazing intensely in to the monitor, to see if I have strayed offside…

She has a whistle for attracting attention! Or Dixie!

What penalty will it be yellow, will it be red, or just a single use plastic infringement? I am crap at drawing straws… I always have the shortest!

Perhaps it will be points on my old paper license, which I have had over forty years and this would be replaced with a plastic one.

Remember points… mean prizes!

People have even been enquiring whether I have retired… OMG, wtf, bae, lmao…. I haven’t got a clue what they mean, but I am learning to speak Snowflake; and Japanese at the same time. But no sooner have I committed a Snowflake to memory, it has melted away.

And honestly; I am finding the Japanese easier… lol… a very camp friend of mine recently sent me a message which I am still struggling to work out.. FUNRDN4ME… OMG…. the penny has dropped! Heavens to Betsy…

Talking about sustainability, I am not concentrating only on the product, it is also a personal voyage. I am desperate to last longer, read into that what you will, but I am sure one or two will be, and sniggering behind your hand. Whateva’, you know who you are, and it is only mildly amusing…

What I mean to say, is that my mother is now 91; and when I spent New Year with her, she said how much she was looking forward to the American election in November, staying up all night and Donald’s imminent impeachment. I doff my hat to her, she is indefatigable, and I wish in my younger years I had been a man enough to tell her how much I love and admire her. Only in recently have I really understood and appreciated her love and sacrifices for my brother and me. Not because of a naivety, but perhaps because I thought I had been expected, mistakenly in my head; to be the man of the family, when I am still the child.

For someone who weeps at the end of the first Alien movie, you would have thought I would be better equipped to voice my feelings!

Her eyesight is poor, but importantly, not so bad that she cannot tell that her glass is half full, rather than half empty. I shall stand eternally by her side to ensure it is topped up.

We attempted a day of a dry Veganuary, it lasted, but a fleeting moment once we realised our tomato juice really did taste better with Vodka, and Lea & Perrins.

Oh well, there will be another month when we can give up something else.

Perhaps Scentember, when we all give up our boudoir habits… Hmmmm, I shall not be availing myself of public transport…

Life is about balance, and in my case, I am lucky that a small, live elephant is standing on the other side of my scales.

Copyright © 2020 Adrian Holdsworth. All Rights Reserved

 

I have that sinking feeling…

Venice in Peril

Radio silence is broken.

Calling Moscow, calling Moscow…

Apologies, I went all Bunker Hunt…

I had been gazing into my crystal ball, it has been staring blankly back.

The face I would normally see, should resemble either Dorian Gray or ‘The Scream’, but it’s not one face, it’s 41 million emotionless faces, silent against the Whimsy of Westminster.

Or at least I think that was her name.

Frankly it was all a blur! I wasn’t looking for business, but it’s strange how the extra 20,000 ‘bobbies on the beat’ all appear at the same time. Haven’t they got anything better to do? I will leave you to fill in the blanks, I have no recollection, as it was the last thing I saw before passing out!

Anyway, apparently, we should be ‘getting it done’.

Three trite words to describe one of the most important decisions in generations.

Getting what done?

A drinking session in a brewery, shutting the stable door, making snowballs in hell, holding a snowflake to a flame?

Perhaps, we should all be holding our Johnson to the flame… Ouch!

Yet, you might say we’ve spent the odd hundred million here, the odd billion on preparation there. Water, water, everywhere, and all the boards did shrink: water, water, everywhere, nor a drop to drink.

Since Pangaea we have been drifting away from Europe by a few millimetres every century, tectonic plates a breakin’, and all this time Venice has been sinking…

I’ve had my head down and my not insubstantial nose pressed hard to the grindstone, whilst all the time trying to avoid the cracks in the pavement.

Has all this been passing me by, or was I, in my apathy letting it wash over me like honey; and what have they achieved, sweet ‘Fanny Adam’?

It appears you can say, or do anything. Hang the consequences, or the legality of it, then debate it until hell freezes over.

And now we have an election to contend with.

We’re just going to end up with a Celtic, Five Star, Right Wing, Marxist coalition. Led by… a comedian with no sense of humour? Who may just be able to commit to a vague promise!

Meanwhile, across the ‘Pond’ life continues, the Donald eats, shoots and leaves, the words coming out in no order whatsoever. It appears he is also obsessed with anything that could be done doggy style.

Died like a dog, left like a dog, a bit of a shaggy dog story. I shall leave you to add your own references. It won’t be much of a downward dog stretch… as he leaves the room with the contented smile of a trumping dog!

Michael Bloomberg has thrown his ten-gallon hat into the ring, and The D is trying to work out if it is fake news or not.

D is biden (sic.) his time and threatened with in peach, which given the colour of his hair will make his face look apricot…

Someone I have never seen dressed in peach, is Susan my elegant, sometime breakfast companion who has taken up dancing to occupy some of her free time. Always spritely, she loves to flamenco, but has also been known to tango and being an extremely attractive woman, she is not short of admirers. At a recent tea dance one beau stepped forward, hand outstretched.

‘Would you like to tango?’ he asked, ‘we can dance it hip to hip.’ He added. Yet, they had turned less than half the floor when Susan had become aware that this was not Rosaline’s quivering thigh, more the demesnes that there, adjacent lies, and it were not a quivering!

Quick as a flash she grabbed her castanets and off she whirled, leaving the scoundrel floundering in her wake, holed below the Plimsoll Line, taking on water, rather than sipping champagne, pass me a doble!

Until now I have avoided any mention of HRH Prince Andrew, out of respect for that great Italian dish, ‘Pizza’, which has been dragged into this whole sordid affair through no fault of its own!

It has to be noted that Pizza Express is not in essence ‘Italian’, and owes more of its heritage to Peterborough than to Naples, but solidarity brother.

Ahhhh, solidarity… you’ll be hearing a lot more of that is Jezza gets in!”

Vintage wash Merino wool cardigans – £175

Copyright © 2019 Adrian Holdsworth. All Rights Reserved

 

 

 

 

 

More New Stock

If you haven’t used that extra hour from the weekend yet, why not spend some time looking through some new goodies.

And remember, it’s never too early to shop for Christmas

Orange Extra Fine Merino Wool Crew Neck with Reversible Coat in Rain Wool (Wool Side)

Orange Extra Fine Merino Wool Crew Neck with Reversible Coat in Rain Wool (Nylon Side)

Brown Extra Fine Merino Wool Crew Neck Pullover with Reversible Gilet (Wool Side) and Leather Gloves

Brown Extra Fine Merino Wool Crew Neck Pullover with Reversible Gilet (Nylon Side) and Leather Gloves

Red Extra Fine Merino Wool Crew Neck Pullover with Reversible Gilet (Nylon Side)

Red Extra Fine Merino Wool Crew Neck Pullover with Reversible Gilet (Nylon Side)

Electric Blue Extra Fine Merino Wool Crew Neck Pullover

Brown Roll Neck Pullover

Electric Blue Roll Neck Pullover

Dark Blue Roll Neck Pullover

Blue Blouson with Wool Knitted Sleeves

Grey Blouson with Wool Knitted Sleeves Close Up

Blue Wool Cardigan Close Up

Grey Wool Cardigan Close Up

New Stock

Yet more new arrivals; this time a mix of knitwear and shirts.

Extensive testing was performed on the Rain Wool as evidenced below!

Black Rain Wool Blouson – Tried and Tested

Reversible Navy Blue Cashmere Gilet with Navy Blue Nylon Reverse – Grey Cashmere Cable Knit Pullover – Blue Camo Wool Trousers

Navy Blue Milano Stitched Cotton Zip Cardigan with Contrast Cuffs, Contrast Skirt and Contrast inside

Off White Cashmere Roll Neck

Blue and White Striped Cotton Shirt with Navy Knitted Tie

Light Blue and Pale Grey Brushed Cotton Shirts

Blue and White Prince of Wales Check Cotton Shirt

Navy Blue, Grey and Light Blue Cotton Jersey Shirts