Post Ibiza ramblings!

Es Vedra – Magnetic Centre of the Earth… as rumour has it!

Ooooooh let’s get this party started…

What a weekend, hotter than July. Oh, wait it is!

My mother is shortly to be 90 years old, yes come on, get your calculators out!

Her eyesight is failing, yet she still has the reactions of a Ninja, and possesses the right foot of Jean-Claude van Damme. She has promised to give it back to him!

Forty percent of the penalties in yesterday’s World Cup games did not find the back of the net… But let’s not let that stand in the way of any ‘desired’ result or hitting a barn door. Like Roy of the Rovers, Putin’s XI could go all the way. How a few million quid can transform the fortunes of this magnificent team?

Life is full of heroes…

Apparently, the half time entertainment for the final will be almost Gladiatorial. It will involve a bare-chested man wrestling a tiger in the centre circle. I draw no reference to people or events, past or present, fact or fiction; but I don’t fancy the tiger’s chances!

Govie, Govie, Govie, man enough to tear the skin off a rice pudding, powerful enough to crush a grape, he will be henceforth known as ‘The Shredder’, pass him a telephone directory. For the millennials amongst you that whooshing noise is the sound of this going over your head, not the sending of an email!

Stand aside BoJo, there’s no getting between this man and his Campari and Soda, he’ll leave you looking like you’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards.

Govie and the Brexit Bulldog are tip-toeing through the tulips, walking our one, and only sniffer dog in search of contraband, now if only we could keep Bonio on the other side of the Irish border.

Meanwhile across Donald Duck’s pond, Tariff la Quiff is giving the Americans; ‘Space Force’. Major Don, take a protein pill and put your helmet on.

Next, he’ll be wheeling out Clint Eastwood, Tommy Lee-Jones, Donald Sutherland, and a hologram of James Garner astride gleaming Harley ‘Fatboys’ singing Fortunate Son… announcing these rootin’, tootin’ cowboys are the future of his nation.

Apparently “Team America” are a little put out by this. There will be consequences! Not least when it comes down the budget for Pringles and Oreos.

Anyways, back to Ibiza and Hedonism.

Cafe Caleta – look the recipe up!

Once again, I stared into the abyss, and she stared back, blinking at my luminescence. I could see she too yearned to come back as me. Good God, what was in that cocktail, tell me I didn’t swallow the umbrella…

Neil with his beloved Scratch

 

Neil my ‘friendly’ tattooist; one the kindest, and gentlest friends I have, has a new dog following the loss of his beloved Scratch at the end of last year.

He hasn’t decided what to call her yet, but she is showing signs of great promise. Perhaps, ‘Thug’, might be a good start and although her training is going well, she has to refine her shoplifting skills. Neil now has a bewildering array of bikinis stolen from the shop two doors away, none of which he is going to wear!

It’s a ‘Thuglife’

 Ibiza is creaking at the seams somewhat, but I still recommend people stay here:

http://www.royalplaza.es/

 and rent your boats from here:

https://boatsibiza.com/

Sunset Strip

This creaking included a taxi driver who delivered us to the wrong beach for dinner. It would have resulted in a 10km drive round so we all walked to Es Boldado! Nestling on the cliff edge in the distance. Thank goodness I could take my heels off!

The walk to Es Boldado

 Worth the view?

https://www.restauranteesboldadoibiza.es/es/

 Copyright © 2018 Adrian Holdsworth. All Rights Reserved.

 

A Midsummer Night’s Newsletter

So, should I use my Trump card? Play my Joker?

You know his favourite song is going to be ‘The Gambler’, his favourite film ‘The Player’ and Melania just doesn’t care, it’s that strange mix of ignorance or apathy?

Life in the social media spotlight…

I know you said you missed me, but you should take better aim.

Let me begin with a thank you.

I would like to thank everyone for their patience whilst we tried out the new software.

One of the points you raised, happened to be; that the emails weren’t as personal as the normal dross I send out… well excuse me!!!

It is of course the standard fayre from most other people, so think yourselves lucky that I put some effort in.

It will be all you will get, once we go all Artificial Intelligence on you. Never forget I may not be the greatest dancer, but I do have algorithm!

Apparently, it’s all about dancing to save the planet. Please do not write to me, to tell me just how bad that joke is on so many levels!

At least I haven’t resorted to begging letters, telling you how much you will miss me when I have gone, how much I value your privacy, when I have scant regard for my own; my list of Miss Demeanors is long and varied!

And do you think I have the time whilst circumnavigating the globe to once again put pen to paper, just to pander to your whims.

I am not the Donald, like the dawn chorus, twittering every cough and spit, hovering like a seagull looking for a freshly washed car. He is only the leader of the free world, I have much loftier ambitions. I am more twilight barking, up all night howling at the moon.

Just how humiliated must M. Macron feel now, one moment, bosom buddies with ‘Tariff La Quiff’, holding hands, staring deep and lovingly into each other’s eyes; the next on bended knee and unable to find Donald’s G7-spot, he is cast aside, suddenly there is no penetrating this market without him extorting a heavy price.

Yes, I could have said something else, but people do read this to their children as a cautionary tale, in order to explain what can happen to you if you don’t eat your greens!

But it doesn’t end there, Donald is cuddling up to lil’Kim, apparently Melania’s kidneys are a perfect match for Kim’s, which is why she has been out of the spotlight for so long. Before long Donald will have fallen out with his new friend, taken back his toys, his wife and her kidney.

His huge missile will be aimed into space, ‘Ground Control to Major Don, you’re floating in a tin can, in most peculiar way…’

Luckily if I send this out in the middle of a game you’ll all ignore it and I can go back to my towel on the beach, and you won’t bother me with requests for this and that.

My next instalment will be from the beach in Ibiza, perhaps tonight I will go in search of the quiet life and marry a Kardashian.

 Copyright © 2018 Adrian Holdsworth. All Rights Reserved.

 

 

A little fun with Shakespeare… and one other

Give me a few hours on a train to while away, and my creative juices start to flow. So my apologies, I have taken a few liberties, I dreamt a dream tonight…

Friends, Romans, Countrymen, lend me your ears.

How do all occasions form against me, and spur my dull revenge? Beware the ides of March. Full of vexation come I, with complaint.

If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?

What’s he then says I play the villain, blow wind and crack your cheeks.

He was my friend, faithful and just to me, and yet to be or not to be, takes arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing them? To die, to sleep; to sleep: perchance to dream and of that dream, for every trifle are they set upon me; and with all the infections the sun sucks up? My troublous dreams this night doth make me sad.

But a dream itself is just a shadow, and when I waked, I cried to dream again, as dreams are toys. Yet we are such stuff as dreams are made on, and our little life is rounded with sleep.

How sweet the moonlight sleeps upon this bank! Where sleeps Titania sometime of the night, lull’d in these flowers with dances and delight. Here will we sit and let the sounds of music creep in our ears, and music has the charms to calm my savage breast.

I am that merry wanderer of the night and sometime lurk I in a gossip’s bowl, a merrier hour was never wasted there! In that vessel, O thou invisible spirit of wine! If thou hast no name to be known by, let us call thee devil, and virtue a fig!

Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind?

She’s beautiful, and therefore to be wooed: she is woman, and therefore to be won. For where thou art, there is the world itself; and where thou art not, desolation.

I am one who loved not wisely, but too well, for my own part, I pray you, do not fall in love with me, for I am falser than vows made in wine; yet, I bear a charmed life. Be all my sins remember’d.

Say how I loved you, speak me fair in death…

 

 Copyright © 2018 Adrian Holdsworth. All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

A small amuse bouche of the new Summer Collection that has arrived

I know snow is headed our way, but spring hopes hope springs eternal, and briefly at some point our average-sized sun may make an appearance over the next few months. I admit to not knowing the riddles of the universe, but I am happy in the knowledge that someone else might.

Meanwhile I will peddle my own version of the emperor’s new clothes!

Linen Polo Shirt £145, Stretch Cotton Linen Shorts £135 and Suede Belt £85

Linen Polo Shirt £145, Stretch Cotton/Lycra Chinos £135 and woven canvas belt £79

Linen Polo Shirts £145, Stretch Cotton Shorts £125

Linen Polo Shirt £145, Linen Trousers £175, Stretch woven belt £79

Long Sleeve Linen Knitted Shirt £165, Linen shorts £135, stretch woven belt £85

Cotton Camouflage pullover £150, Jacob Cohen Stretch Cotton Chinos £270, Suede Camouflage Belt £125

Linen shirt £145, linen trousers £175 and woven linen belt £79

Linen Polo Shirt £145, Cotton/linen blend shorts £135 and stretch woven belt £85

Linen shirts £145

Giro Inglese white shirt £145, grey and white linen check trousers £175 and stretch woven belt £85

Blouson in Loro Piana Rain System with jersey sleeves £390, Jacob Cohen Stretch chinos £270 and stretch woven belt £85

Navy Blue Loro Piana Rain System raincoat with removable down filled insert £590

Grey Loro Piana Rain System raincoat with removable down filled insert £590

Suns out… no, no ,no please don’t!

Really please don’t, although the sun is out, it is too early…

So Valentines has been and gone. I have to admit on Wednesday I struggled to push the door to the shop open because of the huge amount of post piled up on the mat. I carefully opened each and every one, and I must say that every each and every one brought a tear to my eye. Some reminders, some final, even a few summoning me, I felt truly loved and blesssed. How thoughtful of everybody to send me a bill on the exact same day.

Anyway, why not cover up in style? You know you want to, everybody else would appreciate it as well.

Here are some of the new bits and pieces that have arrived.

Each item purchased distracts Jake for long enough for him not to worry about jinxing the season that ‘Wonder Wolves’ are having!

And do remember with each purchase you will be getting me a step closed to going back to Ibiza!

Mid Blue summer stretch chinos from Jacob Cohen with the plaited belt.

Pale Blue summer stretch chinos from Jacob Cohen with the last tan studded belt.

Orange down filled gilet with Navy Blue summer stretch chinos from Jacob Cohen with navy washed calfskin belt and white long sleeve jersey shirt.

Pale blue micro down filled gilet, beige long sleeve jersey shirt and the Mid Blue summer stretch chinos from Jacob Cohen with the punched belt.

Pale blue micro down filled gilet in Navy Blue with the grey summer stretch chinos from Jacob Cohen, with a long sleeve jersey shirt in blue melange.

Khaki micro down filled gilet with the Pale Blue long sleeve jersey shirt.

Grey short jacket with hood in Loro Piana Rain System and jersey sleeves and the Pale Blue summer stretch Jacob Cohen chinos.