So hot on the heels of the last Newsletter, another.

The Champagne tasting has been and gone, places were like hens teeth; in fact you may have had more chance of winning the Lottery, depending on your postcode!

This one involved the ‘Four Graces of Champagne’, Joy, Beauty, Charm and the other one that appears when you have over indulged on the other three, Abstinence.

We partied until late into the night, well the Royal ‘We’ as I was abstaining. The mere possibility that my gout may be returning had me reaching for a glass, of water!

Since the last Newsletter you may be relieved to hear that I haven’t ventured beyond the M25 until now, and with a hop, skip and a jump I arrived to see a couple clients in Cascais and Lisbon, how this international lothario toils for his trade?

I only mentioned the M25 because I feel that London is now a nation State bounded by this giant ring road. Shortly after June 23^rd Boris will set up the Schengerland Treaty, as in Schengerland, Schengerland, Schengerland!

All people living outside our borders (M25) will be required to leave their regional accent behind; park their cars where here is no Brexit, talk Estuary, and hop on a ‘Bendy Bus’ or a ‘Boris Bike’ and cycle down the empty motorways which now act as cycle lanes, dodging the buses, taxis, Uber drivers and the escaped zombies from 28 Days Later.

Unless you really are heading for Secret Cinema and the interactive experience of appearing in ‘28 Days Later’, it will seem like a normal Friday late night in Shoreditch, with just a little more make-up and a little more effort with your costume.

Having experienced Secret Cinema in the form of ‘Back to the Future’, I will be intrigued to see how the ’28 Days Later’ zombie fest fares.

I was talking about the regions, and the BBC is producing a spin off to Eastenders called Red Water set in Ireland, using only Irish actors. Red Water; Irish stereotyping? Yes, I know there is a joke in there somewhere, but I’m not going searching for it, I know what a rebellious lot you are. The BBC should do better than that.

Are we going to have a Liverpool spin-off called ‘Like, like, like’, one in Newcastle called ‘Cartoon’, another set in Somerset called ‘Sheepdip’ and lastly one set in the Labour Party starring Ken Livingstein!

What about subtitles for those of us who haven’t got a clue what any of them are saying?

Oh, Utopia!

Your Excellency, once again you are spoiling us with your references to Greek Mythology. I mention this only in homage to our great leader Boris whose mighty intellect is a shining beacon to us all lesser mortals. Do you think I may be being ironic?

Young Jake has finally expressed his exasperation at watching Champions League football and the banana skin that everybody slips on when confronted by the mighty Barcelona. It must be tough when playing against possibly the best team in the world; and the officials.

Clearly this is my opinion and bears absolutely reference to what has been going on in Panama. It seems another round of revelations should be forthcoming shortly.

The last time I played on a level playing field anything close to this was at Yeovil Town’s old Huish Park ground.

Here is a photo taken by a drone in the 1950’s, except in those days I think they were called airships?

As a slight 17 year old winger, cutting inside to cross was an uphill task with a reported drop from corner to corner of 8 feet.

So I left base camp, on went the crampons, my ice pick in my right hand and a 2 stone pig’s bladder at my feet, I climbed towards the penalty area. I remember the game being much faster in those days. Until I was scythed down by the boulder rolling downhill that was their centre half.

In this modern age, you have to be so careful what you say. I had been writing this on a plane, as always, I hear you say.

Breakfast was served, which I wasn’t eating because I had to feed you intellectually, when I noticed the young lady next to me had devoured her entire breakfast in a matter of moments. Being the third Duke of Wimborne I offered her mine. Well no, not exactly, the words I used were “Would you like my sausage?”

No sooner had I uttered these words than I found myself sitting alone at the back of the plane, without my Champagne! What is the world coming to?

This summer’s Ibiza outfit? Look away now or go and make a cup of tea if easily offended!

Floats like a butterfly, stings like a… (you can finish the quote)!

I bet he drove one of these in his youth!

The Bertone styled Alfa Romeo concept Carabo.

Copyright © 2016 Adrian Holdsworth. All Rights Reserved.