A Midsummer Night’s Newsletter

So, should I use my Trump card? Play my Joker?

You know his favourite song is going to be ‘The Gambler’, his favourite film ‘The Player’ and Melania just doesn’t care, it’s that strange mix of ignorance or apathy?

Life in the social media spotlight…

I know you said you missed me, but you should take better aim.

Let me begin with a thank you.

I would like to thank everyone for their patience whilst we tried out the new software.

One of the points you raised, happened to be; that the emails weren’t as personal as the normal dross I send out… well excuse me!!!

It is of course the standard fayre from most other people, so think yourselves lucky that I put some effort in.

It will be all you will get, once we go all Artificial Intelligence on you. Never forget I may not be the greatest dancer, but I do have algorithm!

Apparently, it’s all about dancing to save the planet. Please do not write to me, to tell me just how bad that joke is on so many levels!

At least I haven’t resorted to begging letters, telling you how much you will miss me when I have gone, how much I value your privacy, when I have scant regard for my own; my list of Miss Demeanors is long and varied!

And do you think I have the time whilst circumnavigating the globe to once again put pen to paper, just to pander to your whims.

I am not the Donald, like the dawn chorus, twittering every cough and spit, hovering like a seagull looking for a freshly washed car. He is only the leader of the free world, I have much loftier ambitions. I am more twilight barking, up all night howling at the moon.

Just how humiliated must M. Macron feel now, one moment, bosom buddies with ‘Tariff La Quiff’, holding hands, staring deep and lovingly into each other’s eyes; the next on bended knee and unable to find Donald’s G7-spot, he is cast aside, suddenly there is no penetrating this market without him extorting a heavy price.

Yes, I could have said something else, but people do read this to their children as a cautionary tale, in order to explain what can happen to you if you don’t eat your greens!

But it doesn’t end there, Donald is cuddling up to lil’Kim, apparently Melania’s kidneys are a perfect match for Kim’s, which is why she has been out of the spotlight for so long. Before long Donald will have fallen out with his new friend, taken back his toys, his wife and her kidney.

His huge missile will be aimed into space, ‘Ground Control to Major Don, you’re floating in a tin can, in most peculiar way…’

Luckily if I send this out in the middle of a game you’ll all ignore it and I can go back to my towel on the beach, and you won’t bother me with requests for this and that.

My next instalment will be from the beach in Ibiza, perhaps tonight I will go in search of the quiet life and marry a Kardashian.

 Copyright © 2018 Adrian Holdsworth. All Rights Reserved.

 

 

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