As it looks like I will be staycationing in London over the summer, you’ll be getting a few of these.

So, my apologies in advance for once again ploughing a political furrow, but as they are bolting the doors and drawing down the blinds for the recess, I thought I should get a kidney punch in before then, and it is such a rich vein, where there’s muck, there’s gold. (sic)

You also know when I get stuck on a theme I am like Count Orlok with Ellen.

Cameron, Davis or Johnson. The bendy men of politics, missed votes, broken promises and broken dreams, not a vertebrate between them, an empty sack of principles. However unlike the three little pigs their houses, were all built of cards.

But they have disappeared “The Men who never Were” (sic). A skillful game of bluff and double bluff. The body of the British economy washed up on a Spanish Beach, an attache case full of white paper at it’s side for Angela and Jean-Claude to examine, decipher and decode. Theresa is left to convince Michel that the contents of those papers are real and the game is afoot.

Across the ‘Pond’, well, I coulda’, shoulda’, woulda’.

Unfortunately, Vlad the Lad has eyes of Kaa. The snake from the Jungle Book, for the uninitiated amongst you.

It was as if I was Harry Palmer in The Ipcress Files; I was under his spell, I couldn’t help blurting the words out, I shouldn’t and normally I wouldn’t, but I did.

I kept hoping that he would tie me to a chair and set about me with a ‘soap on a rope’, preferably, Imperial Leather, but it was all a little too reminiscent of the Tsar and the Seventies, the Brut, he uses Hai Karate, be careful how you, use it!

Anyway, Vlad isn’t that old, just look at him, poor old Tariff could never work out if he was frowning or not.

La Quiff though, has taken a stand against the NFL players who in protest, take a knee during the National Anthem at the start of a game. He is threatening them with talk of fines and bans. Look T, have you seen the size of these guys. I suggest you reconsider or you may be taking a knee or two and be required to pucker up!

However, I am sure the leader of the free world has a long line of suitors, who if handsomely recompensed would take a knee in front of him whilst the Stars and Stripes played merrily in the background. Why you would want to, is an entirely different question, one I will drape a long, red tie and a very small non-disclosure over for the moment.

Two weeks ago, I was with my mother for her 90th birthday, she cooked for 21 guests who were nearly all over the age of 75 and the 80 stairs to her front door became like climbing the Scala Sancta in Rome, an act of homage, the final few stairs on their hands and knees. Luckily, I was on hand to administer revitalising alcoholic beverages, such are the friends of my mother.

Watching them all leave, once they had not been fed and watered, rather wined and dined for 4 hours was a rare sight! The journey down a might faster, allbeit with both hands on the handrail.

Happy Birthday Mother.