Don’t Look Now

For those of you who are sitting at your desks twiddling your thumbs…

Luckily, I am still free of COVID-19… and in order to remain free I am not travelling to Hong Kong this weekend. Not that I am fearful of catching the virus, but it is to avoid self-quarantining myself. I couldn’t imagine sitting in a room with my 8 other various personalities for fourteen days, it would surely come to blows, and then a bunfight would ensue as to which one would make it out the other side.

All of them banging on to each other inside my head…

Brace yourself for Storm E for Exaggerated.

I would like to thank the BBC for yet another illuminating story, “How do I stop my trampoline flying off in a storm?”

Tie the ‘£$*^@*’ thing down!

Clearly no one listens to weather warnings anymore, so accustomed have we become to them.

Weather happens, and I feel incredibly sorry for anyone who has had their property damaged by Desmond, yet Radio 4’s roving reporters have struggled to find people who are anything but, either resigned to or sanguine about what has happened, many have been horribly flooded before and probably will be again in the not too distant future. They have exhibited that great British attribute, the Stiff Upper Lip!!

However, the BBC, not only feels that they are currently officially Her Majesty’s opposition given the parlous state of the Labour Party, but is soon to become the Fourth Emergency Service, so rabid is their desire to be at the forefront of everything whilst sporting a North Face jacket and Wellington boots!

Yes, I know I said I would no longer subject myself to Radio 4, but it’s like crack m’lud, and whilst I tried to listen to Classic FM, that was like being on hold to HMRC… I know there are Four Seasons, but I don’t want to be hanging on long enough to live through them all on one call.

Anyway, I will continue to take my drugs like R P McMurphy, and then like Pepin I will try to take Venice.

I was confused and confounded… not for the first time, but that’s a story left for moments of reduced sobriety!

As I crossed the lagoon towards the city the canals looked low, perhaps seas had parted so I could walk across. Hold on, one moment Venice is sinking, the next minute the canals are so dry the Gondoliers are singing ‘I love a Rainy Night!’

It has been surmised that the Mediterranean Sea isn’t tidal. However due to some strange currents in the Northern Adriatic there is a greater tidal surge around Venice, than other parts of the Med, hence the eerie nature of ‘Aqua Alta’. Well it wouldn’t be anything normal, would it?

Researching this, it appears there is as much rivalry in the tidal community as it many other walks of life! Proposal and counter-proposal, some of it left me high and dry!!! Apparently, these strange currents are caused by bulges and the Moon…

Not my first time to Venice as you know, but it was my first time at Carnevale, and not my first time in a mask. My days as Zorro are behind me, but I took the opportunity to resurrect him one last time….

Copyright © 2020 Adrian Holdsworth. All Rights Reserved

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