The shop has re-opened.

Perhaps not a moment too soon.

In fact, I’ve been open a couple of weeks, but wanted to ease myself back into saddle as gently as possible. So, on this occasion, I will not make any political statements, no bucking bronco! No bruised egos, or NDAs.

There you have it, without embellishment. No fanfare, no tickertape parade, no red carpet, hardly a drop of blood on the dancefloor. All this time, I suppose, I’ve been keeping my powder dry.

I would say I’d been waiting for you to get your feet under the table, but the reverse is likely to be the problem, and you haven’t been anywhere else for the last year… and a bit.

I’ve just been waiting for the right moment to pounce, downwind from my prey, I am prone… to hyperbole and exaggeration!!

If I go too early, I might scatter you to the four winds. So, let’s break you in gently, it’s been a while.

Houdini finally found the key… On the top shelf in the fridge, next to the peach yoghurt and the P*rnstar Martini in a can.

The shackles are off, my chastity once again unbelted. Unbridled joy!

The hinges on the gates of Hades have been oiled, they swung open with reassuring ease. I have swapped my Thermos for a hip flask.

After such a long period, and I have become so accustomed to the fires that burn below; sitting outside a pub or a restaurant away from direct sunlight, as my pale demeanour requires, has meant I have come close to spontaneous combustion, just to keep warm in the Arctic conditions.

‘Flame On’… whoa, that’s a misinterpretation! U know there are 23 positions in one night stand!

Don’t you just love Prince…

I am finally back in the gym, after a winter of discontent. I may never be able to rid myself of HIIT classes with ‘growingannanas’. The interminable sleep deprivation and meditation, and the yoga, but I have learnt to fall asleep in the bat pose… must be that vaccine!

Yesterday, I used an App to successfully book a gym session, then navigated the maze that is their one-way system, which really does resemble the never-ending staircase. I filled my water bottle with something other than Tequila, manoeuvred a bench into position, then had to go back three times for a lighter weight that I could actually manage!

Muscle? ‘Tis but a distant memory.

Perseus on the other hand, is constantly reminding me he still resembles a Dorito. Although I am a close friend of Dorito, I dare not tell him he’s more of a Quaver, and a semi at that!

I will curate some pieces, create a series of still life photographs of the new stocks, in order that you may be tempted by my wares. I will warn you as soon as they are up. In fact, they follow this! This a beginning, more will be added over the next few days…

I’m off to brush my hair with a balloon!

OK, one last political statement, is it curtains for Boris? Or is he just blinds… it was sofa, so good, he tabled a motion, but he has a rattan in his cabinet. GROAN!