Dear Doessteviewonderchooseportillosclothing (a.k.a. -Disgruntled) full email address withheld by me,

In reply to your comment on the subject of Red Trousers left on our website. I am happy to say your red trousers weren’t left on the website, just the comment:

“Could you please clarify whether your shop door is ‘closed’ during trading hours and one rings or knocks to effect entry, as in jewellery shops in less salubrious areas?”

Firstly, I had to look up the meaning of salubrious.

Secondly, The Jewellery Channel does not appear to have a door, a portal perhaps, I’m good on portals.

My sincerest apologies, unless this of course was a Sunday, when we are CLOSED.

If you could furnish me with a time and date I will check the security camera and look into this. I have dusted the door for fingerprints, along with those of our members of staff. We even tried the door using a key.

I refer you to my newsletter of July 2015 where I talk of the special powers with which I have now been blessed.

Generally we greet people with open arms, open a bottle or two; even roll out the red carpet on occasion.

In my experience I have known people to employ others to knock on doors and ring bells for them.

It was a game I played as a child and only mention this gingerly, as it may have been an act of gross misconduct by a junior member of our staff; or were you using the ‘Force’ to stare at me through the window and effect entrance by these means, I will take the appropriate disciplinary action.

I shall give them a bonus!

I’ve just stabbed myself with a needle, or something like that!

PS: You’re barred, and I know who you are!