Nine Tenths Lie Below The Surface…

The panacea has been discovered.

From now on, I shall be wfh, wtf?

It’s the cure all. Have we found the solution to life’s most difficult and complex problems?

Amongst all the feverish media activity, hidden away in the back bedroom of a semi-detached house in a Carshalton cul-de-sac, they have split the atom.

We have been smashing the science. One friend has built a small Hadron Collider in his loft, out of jigsaw pieces, and another, a scale model in cardboard of the Titanic, illuminated from the inside. One feels that once it is launched, it may suffer the same fate as the original. I am hoping he may effect this, and films it on his phone! TikToc! He lives a luxurious lifestyle; his freezer has a built-in icemaker.

Who knows what we are capable of once we break out the Lego and the Meccano! Eccles here we come…

Apparently, we are up to 13% more productive whilst working from home, more disciplined, no Netflix and chill. Unless that’s the kind of Netflix and chill you like!

And, you do remember duvet days? Of course you do! I’m sure they were only made up by the makers of beds and bed-linen so their employees could work from home, or bed to be more precise!

Mind you given they state of some of you on our video calls, you’re not opposed to the odd lie-in yourselves.

However, I feel I should sing the Marseillaise, because The French are by all accounts 20% more productive than we are. That means that they have done our week’s work by Thursday night. Incroyable! Allez, a la plage mes amis.

Then, there are the odd ones who spent the rest of the week ‘Fillon’ in the blanks, it’s amazing the extra sums one could amass, what could go amiss?

But this, is under achieving by Germans standards of productivity, they were finished by 11am on Thursday, which explains why they always have their towels out there before us.

Le roast beef arrive; sweaty at Saturday lunchtime, hungover from our TGI Friday moment.

Your muzzer was ‘n ‘amster and your fazzer smelt of elderberries… Now go away, or I shall taunt you for a second time!

We Brits, have attained a level of sophistication which they can only dream of. It has taken decades of fish and chips dinners to achieve. I am in the middle of producing a range of knotted hankies, and I can be found, currently puncturing vest with a knitting needle, for that handmade effect. In order to promote this, I have also emailed our great leader to enquire whether he might be prepared to up his game and start to promote my ‘Staycation’ collection to wear in his relaxed moments.

If you are starting worry, that I may have developed some odd political affiliations, fear ye not. This is being written by a ‘holobot’. Looks like me, sounds like me, the lights are on, but no-one is home, and I’m going down like a cardboard Titanic.

Anyway, I’m not sure what the fuss is all about, I’m permanently out to lunch, an apparition, a vacant possession!

Yet, mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord! Now if I could only remember where I left the grapes. Unfortunately, I may have to admit that I might have drunk them… Not that once tipsy, am I wrathful, I am a gentle soul, more all things bright and beautiful.

Copyright © 2020 Adrian Holdsworth. All Rights Reserved

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