Putting it off

Yes, I am aware that this thought has crossed one or two minds, that fact summer may never come.

Even someone with my pea-sized intellect has noticed this!

However, trust me it will, and much as I recoil at the thought, there will be one or two of you sporting a wardrobe full of my Emperor’s Collection, solely because you ignored my advice. The wardrobe doors will open to reveal a row of hangers clad in the finest nothing…

Strike while the iron is tepid, leap before looking, save the date, back in the day and keep calm…. help is at hand! Surprised by my triteness? You shouldn’t be, you know me too well. My shallowness, weakness and forthrightness are admired in equal measure. Come back as me if you dare…

So the good news is that we have managed to increase the number of cloth makers we work with.

We now have ranges from Piacenza, Drapers, Caccioppoli, as always Ariston, and finally Loro Piana once again…

And have no fear, all are as reasonably priced as ever, well apart from Piacenza, but hey dig deep!

This is a small selection of a much larger selection! Dare I say something for everyone?

Summer from Ariston

Jackets by Ariston

Caccioppoli – Suits and Jackets

Luxury on an unprecedented scale by Piacenza

and finally Loro Piana

Less offensive than the last…

Bridge over Troubled Water

Never in the field of human intellect have so many been offended by so few.

Captain Mainwareing, Corporal Jones et alamein, have been out on the beach at Warmington, filling up the sand bags. Under the tungsten glow of the lamps on the M25, they are slowly, but surely building a wall against us. Our lives will be forever Harvest Festival…

Just remember, once we have gone there will be no money from the EU to replace the missing sand! Just an eternity of Long Shore Drift.

Their cries of MAYday, MAYday, MAYday, inaudible above the noise of Ferraris, Lamborghinis and Bentleys roaring round our giant ring road. We’ll fill the moat with champagne, and turn the House of Commons into a prison, filling it with those bereft of morals…

Bolt the door, lock the gate and throw away the key…

The City State of London is declared. We don’t care what your passport says, if you are willing to work, you are all welcome to stay, our passport will remain resolutely red, paint yours Frenchie Blue if you want.

But wait, Private Walker has worked out how to smuggle a little ‘How’s yer father’ across the Irish Border… Warmington will be awash with hooch, packets of smokes, French nylons, a mouth organ and playing cards with semi-clad (gender of preference) on the back! As he knows only too well, there is short cut round everything, and what the Revenue can’t scan, they won’t know about.

Arthur Daley’s invisible man will be back, and everyone will be only to communicate with each other via shorthand on the back of a saucy postcard. Scrumpy laced Snakebite will return as the nation’s favourite tipple. Lucky heather for every buttonhole.

‘Much ado about nothing’ will run and run… Theresa will be Beatrice, Jean-Claude as Benedick (how does that translate from Latin?), with Donald as Claudio and Michel as Hero.

If we can only get the Heinz 27 to agree that Hero wasn’t unfaithful to Claudio, we could live happily ever after. But you mock me, this is politics and our Hammer House Mother of all Parliaments has spawned the David Cameron’s Incubus.

As you all know there are only five ways to overcome the attacks of an Incubus, Exorcism, Sacramental confession, the Sign of the Cross, moving the afflicted to another location, and by excommunication of the attacking entity… It looks like three of the five are being worked on.

I was in Wome, seeing what Womans do! My life as Bwian and resurrection awaits, I have suddenly understood what Benedick translates to in Latin. You’ll get it if you’ve seen the film, but don’t watch on my account. No, I mean don’t watch on my account, it’s my Netflix and I’ll chill when I want to… Two newsletters in a row, I take a bow!

I was working on next Winters collection and stayed in Trastevere, if any travel recommendations are needed, those living within the M25 can send me an email, others, the back of a postcard. Like Vlad the lad, we now have our own internet… and our own Great Firewall.

Anyway, those of you who have bothered to read the previous email, will already know there is some new stock…

I will finish with a flourish; my very good friend Tim has a letting agency par excellence. A phrase I will no longer be able to utter only mutter after the 29th.

http://www.drakers.co.uk

 

Incubus

Copyright © 2019 Adrian Holdsworth. All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

Not….. some new stock!

Can you believe Spring has sprung, the cockerel crowed, lambs-a-leaping and not a snowflake to be seen. All the storms from A to Zee have been, huffed and puffed, and yet out politicians have shown they don’t have the strength to crush a grape…

On to greater things… we have some new stock. Feast yer eyes….

Lightweight neoprene blouson in Navy blue – £350 The last one of seven, and only 7 were and will be made.

Lightweight navy stretch Parka – £390 Stretchy…….

Lightweight stretch black travel raincoat – £350

Micro design simmer shirt £145

Micro design simmer shirt £145

Printed cotton summer shirt £145

Striped cotton summer shirt – £145

Jersey Shirt in Lilac – Cotton with long sleeves – £145

Jersey Shirt in Navy Blue – Cotton with long sleeves – £145

Jersey Shirt in Pale Blue – Cotton with long sleeves – £145

Jersey Shirt in white – Cotton with long sleeves – £145

Pink Giro Inglese Cotton shirt – £145

Jersey Shirt in Turquise – Cotton with long sleeves – £145

Volpe Limited Edition Jeans second delivery – £185 Various reversible belts – £95

Hong Kong Phooey – Number One Superguy

Please be warned this Newsletter does take on a slightly adult theme at several points, not that my childish nature has ever worried any of you before, well apart from a minor celebrity (now removed from the list), but you have been warned. Those of you who want to come back as me take note, not is all as it seems…

I have used my emergency powers, built a picket fence, to keep the golfers (sic.) out, laid down the law, told the clouds to take a hike…

Spring has sprung, snowflakes are gambolling in the streets, sunlight is finally reaching the extremities. Perseus has returned from a sojourn on mainland China to pour vitriol on my flames, no more aching side abs for he at the moment.

WARNING ADULT CONTENT:

On St. Valentine’s Day the earth moved for thousands of the residents of Surrey. Tremors were felt, and the estate agents of this delightful county were finally able to tell prospective buyers… “this is where the magic happens!” Apparently in those sleepy hollows, the age-old tradition of chucking your keys in a bowl continues with seismic consequences, measurable on the Richter Scale. Was it an earthquake, was someone at it with a ‘jackhammer’, did they chip a tooth, or just drilling for oil?

Surrey residents, answers on a postcard please. I will reply on a self-addressed envelope SWALK!

Normally when writing these love letters to my faithful readers, I am hunched over my laptop on a flight to somewhere, from somewhere, or on a slow boat to China. Invisible Touch by Genesis playing in the background… It will become translucent later on!

However, on this rare occasion I am relaxed, dare I even say, mellow as I stare out over Victoria Harbour in Hong Kong, tapping away gently at my keyboard from my stunning room at The Murray on Cotton Tree Drive. Recently opened and in all its glory. Slightly boutiquey, slightly edgy, youthful in its opulence, traditional in its values. The views of the city from Popinjay’s restaurant on the 26th floor are truly breath taking.

There we go… the plug for this edition is out of the way early doors Johnny Mac.

Over a wonderful dinner the other night in Popinjay’s, conversation turned to the impenetrable nature of my Newsletters, which had left several people bewitched, bedazzled and bewildered. I was taken to task over my penchant for red Lycra by the very person who had suggested we do something special for a friend’s birthday several years ago. He clearly didn’t know me as well as he thought, although he spends a great deal of his time high on ethanol, or methanol, or is that just petrol in his head? We are now friends electric…

I move on to matters of fashion, as this is what I am purported to do!

WARNING ADULT CONTENT:

The summer collection this year draws heavily on the latex theme and involves more than the gossamer touch of the Emperor’s new clothes. Part of my inspiration were the products made by two giant, global brands.

Pure genius. I reign Supreme

I expect you all to be ‘flexing’ this look this summer…

My first inspiration was Harmony hairspray with its firm, invisible hold, because is he, or isn’t he wearing it?

Secondly, my heartfelt thanks to Du2ex. No Emperor’s wardrobe would be complete without an outfit for the bedroom, modern Hugh Heffners take note. In collaboration, they have produced the perfect companion for the bedroom. I introduce; the Du2ex invisible, no latex, slightly or unsightly it’s a case of is he, or isn’t he wearing one? The Memberor will be perfectly attired in all his Morning Glory.

But beware, as I said; all is not what it seems… there is a drawback, objects in the mirror can appear larger than they seem, the Invisible has its limitations, and I know that with its dimensions of:

Circumference: 2.04″ Length: 7.5″ Thickness: Invisible

It may not be for everyone. My membership remain as avid fans!

I will finish on a cleaner, fresher note.

The bathrooms at The Murray are fitted with a Japanese style toilet that have a remote control and a heated seat. Imagine my surprise when I managed to get Netflix and chill!

Copyright © 2019 Adrian Holdsworth. All Rights Reserved.

New Spring Outerwear

SPEND, SPEND, SPEND!

Lightweight Linen Gilet with Nylon back £260

Lightweight Linen Gilet with Nylon back £260

Laser Cut stretch summer raincoat £420

Laser Cut stretch summer raincoat £420

Nylon Camouflage Gilet £260

Beige Nylon Lightweight Gilet £260

Light Blue Nylon Lightweight Gilet £260

Navy Blue Nylon Lightweight Gilet £260

Navy Blue Lightweight Rain Jacket £290

Navy Padded Jacket £350

Silver Padded Nylon Jacket £350

My Favourite Scar!

I listen to Radio 4 most mornings.

I know that to many of you, it might sound as useful as using The Guardian as a fly swat, but I live in my own little galaxy and I’ll protect it however I see fit.

In the last newsletter, I had promised to summarise the last year and make predictions for this, but much of last year was so spectacularly forgettable, I couldn’t remember it and I felt best not rake over the tea leaves; worse still, not to stare too deeply into the bottom of the cup for inspiration for this year, for I fear it doth not runneth over!

It is the best of times and the worst of times, as someone recently said to me about their sojourn in Washington, that it was the age of wisdom and the age of foolishness, and yet we do seem to make life considerably more complicated for ourselves than it really needs to be.

I am a simple soul and easily pleased, so much passing me by in life’s fast lane. Sensitive as well, a bit of an old softy, and as I walked along Regent’s Canal on Wednesday morning; I listened to ‘Soul Music’; a series on Radio 4 about the emotional impact on a group of people, of a particular piece of music.

Wednesday’s piece of music was Smile.

As I wandered along by the water and into Regent’s Park, a piece of music once again reduced me to tears. The story of how a melody written by Charlie Chaplin became a gloriously sentimental song, and how it was remembered by each member of the group.

I will dedicate this to my good friend Susan, who sadly lost her wonderful, long-time companion on the same Wednesday morning. As once with Marie; Susan joins me for breakfast at The Wolseley from time to time, and smiles sympathetically at my ridiculously, extravagant life.

We’ll have breakfast soon, and when what is past, is past, we’ll smile again.

A Saturday afternoon regular; Perseus, recently reduced the entire shop to apoplexy, as he complained about the ‘burn’ in his side-abs, after a particularly vigorous workout in the gym. Side-abs I enquired? Yes, side-abs he insisted, flexing his bulging biceps, looking even more like the shape of a Dorito, of whom he is a dear friend (Yes… I know ‘a friend of Dorito’, let’s not go there Toto!). He then pointed at his pectorals… They learn nothing at school these days…

Studying astronomy is not anatomy, or astrology… Oh Perseus, son of Zeus, hide thy heavenly body, the blood wolf moon is in the ascendancy, and the Gorgon Medusa must be slain…

Such treachery as befell Lady Sarah, when cousin Abigail drugged her. Sarah was dragged behind her charging steed only to survive to become a branded ambassador for Nike, such was the neatness of the scar, a product placement tour-de-force, like ‘An American Werewolf in London’ and Adidas! 

The Sale continues for a little longer and there are still a few bargains to be had, but we now are starting to receive the new made to measure cloths and swatches for Spring and Summer, early bird and all that!

Copyright © 2019 Adrian Holdsworth. All Rights Reserved.