Some new stock – mainly coats

There is some new stock…

But read on!

I would like to inform of a little trip I shall be undertaking at the end of the month.

From the afternoon of the 29th November I shall be in Hong Kong until late evening on Wednesday 2nd December.

I shall be looking after the sartorial needs of several of my friends either based, living or just passing through. If you would like me also look after your sartorial needs whilst I am there, please feel free to get in touch. Hopefully I will have enough time to catch up with everyone.

You will be able to find me at The Landmark Mandarin Oriental, and not Christmas shopping.

I look forward to seeing you, sadly my suitcase is already full for those of you who were thinking of hitching a lift

Wool/Microfibre Gilet

Wool/Microfibre Gilet

Loro Piana Rain System Blouson lined in Faux Fur

Loro Piana Rain System Blouson lined in Faux Fur

My Football Coat: flannel parka lined with faux fur in Grey and then Blue

My Football Coat: flannel parka lined with faux fur in Grey and then Blue

In Blue!

In Blue!

Microfibre 3/4 Coat

Microfibre 3/4 Coat

Microfiber Coat with removable liner in Grey and then in Blue

Microfiber Coat with removable liner in Grey and then in Blue

Surprise!!!

Surprise!!!

A dateless Newsletter

Let’s start with a photo of a lovely lady draped in fur!

Scratchie

Scratchie

Thank you Neil for the lovely photo of Scratch and many congratulations on the work with ProHunter.

ProHunter and Inkadelic

ProHunter and Inkadelic

So on with business…

SPECTRE – Pah!

Jose Mourinho, I have nothing to say…

And now I have another stalker, a couple in fact. They are constantly pestering me, vying for my attention. Each time I pick up my phone or go to type on my laptop they are there. What can I help you with?

Siri

Siri

I have been toiling over the VAT despite the attentions of Siri and Cortana when I should be treading grapes, hopefully one may lead to the other and since I’ve started on note for those oenophiles amongst you, I will add a little sulphur, a splash of ‘amster and an ‘int of elderberries.

A big thank you those who turned up for the wine tasting. Vash was on fantastic form, not a barrel tossed or broken, the wines equally so, a solitary white amongst the wintry reds.

Wine Tasting

Wine Tasting

You may have read it, but if not there’s been a little buzz about Volpe, in the meja, so to speak. No, no, no, my behaviour has not made front page news yet again, but there is time and there is Hope, and her friends Faith and Chastity.

The Three Graces, and me the 3rd Duke of Wybourne in the Victoria and Albert Museum at 3am with my reputation. Oh daughters of Zeus save me from the gaze of Maggie, this Lady is not for turning!

Three Graces

Time Out and the Daily Mail have been keen to get my opinions on a whole gamut of news and social issues. So I’ll have to be careful what I say.

Should I knock the newsletter back a cog or two?

Do you really think so, or shall I continue as usual and try to “Blow the bloody doors orf”? As Cris my old school chum says, “It’s a bit too late to change”, he’s only 21 and in love. (Cris, you owe me a fiver).

I am still embroiled in my birthday celebrations and have no plans to shuffle off into the mists surrounding the moor quite yet. The party is just getting started. I will just hand Vash my glass, and like Tantalus I will be eternally tortured by the proximity of temptation…

The 4am parties will continue and there will be blurry photos of the London Eye as I try to beat the sunrise home. The whiff of sulphur will return, and the soft cushion of earth in my Transylvanian home will await me.

I feel like Claudius without the guile, avoiding Messalina who is armed with an axe, less Derek Jacobi and more Derek and The Dominoes. I’m losing this game to a bloke in a flat cap who keeps muttering into his wrist and bears a remarkable resemblance to Gary Kasparov, all his bones are doubles.

This might all sound a bit surreal, but the legacy of the little green fairy continues.

One my friends is a bit of a geezer, the kind of bloke who’d hang you by your ankles out of a ground floor hotel window, a little bit ‘Carny’, and not to be messed with. After sealing a recent business transaction, the other side in a show of mutual respect and appreciation ushered my friend to a lock-up in a slightly less salubrious part of town to furnish him with a gift, this gift was a full size merry-go-round horse, not just the head on a pillow. How an earth he’s going to get that home to Hong Kong I’ll never know, it’s not Pegasus!

Carnival

Carnival

Once again I have managed to shoehorn in Greek Mythology and more of Zeus’s dysfunctional offspring.

It seems a slightly better deal than another friend who’s just invested in 1/8th of a cow. Saw him coming, cow racing? I didn’t even think ‘cow tipping’ was a sport!

And then there’s another strange fellow who mixes his Martini’s on the engine of his Ferrari, there is a video on YouTube. Of course there is!

I feel as once again I have stepped into the pages of Alice in Sunderland. It said “Drink Me”, and so I did. I was immediately afflicted with ‘small man syndrome’, and although perfectly formed, so no change there, the glass that Vash is holding looks like a swimming pool, is that Raquel Welch waving at me from the inflatable stuffed olive? Sorry, must dash my Fantastic Voyage continues.

Finally, a bit of publicity, a good friend of mine Henry Blofeld (not the Bond villain, but Blowers of cricketing fame) and Peter Baxter, being ably supported by the lovely Valeria are touring their hilarious ‘Rogues on the Road’. Catch them whilst they are out and about, and if any of you do fancy anything Blower’s related there is always:

www.blowersbespoke.com

Blowers and Baxter

Blowers and Baxter

ps. I’ve been in Rome, just in case you thought I’d not been anywhere!

It's not me!

It’s not me!

 

Copyright © 2015 Adrian Holdsworth. All Rights Reserved.

 

 

End of September 2015 – Yoga Newsletter

A post with new stock will follow.

Sport appears to be imploding all around us and I wanted to wait a little for all the wailing, crying, backstabbing and recriminations to subside before commenting.

The strange game with the ball that is not round has finished, and we won what looks like a beautifully carved wooden spoon. So those of you who support other slightly less successful rugby teams, I can see you gazing on in envy…

A Welsh friend of mine who will remain nameless, Daffyd, his favourite flower being a daffydil, sent me a rather tasteless and pointless photo of a Welsh Dragon torching Twickenham. It makes a change of the last one he sent me of him surrounded by his sheep with the caption ‘My Hareem’. Revenge is a dish best served cold, apart from lamb, which I prefer pink!

I have spared his blushes and only posted the photo of the dragon.

Welsh Dragon?

Welsh Dragon?

And who’d have thought it 10/10 for the England footballers. Granted, not the most difficult group to qualify from, and my Nan’s Village Hall Eleven could have beaten Lithuania. Apparently Miles Storey may be spending his next loan session in my Nan’s team. So he will then have played at a City, a Town and a Village.

Young Mr Storey isn’t the only one getting around, Ibiza Neil is touring the Far East as ‘Emergency Tattoo Artist’ to David Morales and the crew. This I’m sure, is just in case mid set one of the DJs has a crisis of confidence and requires a little inkie touch up here or there.

I am a simple soul. So this made me smile.

Water on Mars

Water on Mars

I took the new, massively hyped iAdrianS on a gentle bender (test). No, not a gender test.

The current model’s power cells are topped up by solar power, which is obviously one of the reasons why I need to travel so much, I will chase the sun like Icarus. A ‘Supermoon’ every 30 years is not good enough.

Supermoon

Supermoon

I hope that we may be able to do away with the solar feature at some point in the future, otherwise we will struggle to sell any beyond the Tropics of Capricorn and Cancer given the summer we have had.

Scorpio and my name is Adrian
Now I don’t like a woman that’s quiet
A woman who carries herself like Mr Universe

Mmm take my hand
Come with me baby, to Love Land
Let me show you how sweet it could be
Sharing loving with me
I want…………

Goodness me the absinthe is hanging around in my system! Float, float on…

Currently I am in talks with VW about a diesel powered version. They are little cagey about the data, but they have showered me with so many gifts, how could I say no?

A breakfast companion of mine is keen on getting her daily dose of Vitamin D, stripping off at the drop of a hat at the sun’s zenith, apparently whatever, wherever and whenever the moment takes her, she calls it her Martini moment, I know she’s not solar powered perhaps she’s just an exhibitionist, et moi?

Upward/Downward Dog - Regents Park

Upward/Downward Dog – Regents Park

This lady also thinks that I am some kind of exotic, international playboy!

I’ll have you know that this lady is not Lorraine Chase, firstly that was Cinzano not Martini, and secondly I don’t fly from Luton Airport unless I am sedated.

The iAdrianS test was to involve the unit taking part in yoga on Mallorca, so hopefully the hardware and software should work in unison, just in time to blow the bloody doors off in Ibiza, closing parties? Pah!

The yoga was organised through friends of mine who have Sardinia Yoga, they provide yoga breaks in various locations in the Med, not just Sardinia, just in case you thought the iAdrianS mapping system and location services weren’t functioning correctly.

www.sardiniayoga.com

Yoga View - Cala D'or

Yoga View – Cala D’or

Hotel View - Cala D'or

Hotel View – Cala D’or

The training aspect of the trip was to involve cycling, so I would have got my Lycra fix. Given how poor the summer has been, I’ve had to wear a fat suit under the Lycra to keep warm on the bike, not my usual svelte look.

And should I have a problem with the firmware, I’ve brought along a little Papa Smurf to help…

For those of you who think I may be losing it by taking up yoga, I will warn you that as always I have an ulterior motive. I have yet to work out what that is, but come the end I will have worked one out! I mean it’s not as if there will be semi-clad people contorting themselves into strange and exotic positions. So another night at the Piers Gaveston Society looks as though it is on the cards, and Dave will be having the Suckling Pig!

That is before he sinks his pearly whites into Jezza.

It’s not going to be a seven course menu degustazione is it? Or more likely, a particularly small ‘amuse bouche’, or one of those sorbets to de-glaze your mouth between courses. Given that all around him are laying into him with gusto he will be nice and tender. Grind his bones to make my bread.

No trip to Mallorca is complete without a visit to 4 kilos

No trip to Mallorca is complete without a visit to 4 kilos

The yoga went well between the thunder storms, yet the cycling and running didn’t happen, the weather put paid to that. I changed hotels and headed north towards Pollenca, bad idea, on so many levels…

I’d hoped for some good weather to put the iAdrianS through his paces, but it was dull and by the time I had finished dinner in a lovely restaurant called Marisco in Can Picafort it was raining, and then it began to properly rain. I made it back to the hotel to be greeted by International Line Dancing Week.

http://restaurantemarisco.es/

No really, it’s true. At any one time there were 100 German men and women shaking their thing to ‘My Achy Breaky Heart’; when out the line stepped Daisy Duke, or will his name be Duke Daisy, a transvestite of well over six feet tall dressed as a blonde cowgirl. OMG.

I was having a conversation on Whatsapp with a young lady at the time, she asked for photographic proof, now she wishes she hadn’t, and is still being treated for shock.

So this has turned into a rather long, rambling newsletter, and there is no stopping me now, gathering no lichen…

Florence in the Rain

Florence in the Rain

Storm clouds are building

Storm clouds are building

After a long, damp day in Florence, I hopped on a train and headed through the Apennines. I followed this with a very late night fighting over a steak with Emanuele Putin in a misty Bologna.

As I walked towards the mystic portal, light surrounded me, a wooden door creaked open and I was warmly greeted by Vladamir Addone. What happened next is the stuff of folklore that has become Drogheria della Rosa.

Mystic Portico

Mystic Portico

The Portico Opens

The Portico Opens

Comrade Addone

Comrade Addone

So “Blatter, Valke and Platini”, sounds like a pawnbrokers; have all been suspended for a short period. One of them is very short, period! A source tells me that they have been placed in a sack with a snake to fight amongst themselves, on a boat to Australia. Let them deal with the immigration fallout from that one, and again ooooooh Mr Bond once they run out of food they will only be able to eat one thing; rat.

Clearly I’m using the newsletter to gear up for the launch of SPECTRE.

A little bird has told me that the former Toronto mayor Rob Ford is being ‘lined up’ to succeed Cepp the mushroom. Once again I am just throwing jokes around like confetti. Oh, how you spoil us your Excellency.

As his Excellency I now have a Palazzo all to myself in Bologna.

Palazzo Volpe

Palazzo Volpe

Finally when travelling by air, look around you.

On our approach to Florence, the woman next to me started to get excited, talking in an animated fashion into to her earpiece, something about looking for a clue.

In a flash, the Lycra lady leapt to her feet, shouted “Eureka”, opened the door to the plane and jumped out. The last thing I saw was her rear disappearing into the fresh air.

At no point did I challenge Anneka!

 

Copyright © 2015 Adrian Holdsworth. All Rights Reserved.

End of July 2015 – Newsletter

So hardly had I got started with the iAdrian project than we’ve had to shelve one of the prototypes and seriously look at the rest of the project going forward.

It’s all well and good starting something like this due to the huge demand of people wanting to come back as me, but when the hardware and the software don’t work hand in glove, we are headed for difficulties.

So we have been in the media spotlight over the last couple of weeks.

I have standards to uphold and when the prototype goes off piste so dramatically, I am seriously thinking about cancelling the whole thing.

I suppose it is really down to the fundamental lack of understanding about how I behave. There is always going to be a black sheep, a bad apple, but at least let’s try and avoid that if at all possible.

So in order to set the record straight I should say that future prototypes will have to look seriously at their conduct and we are going tweak the i8 (all the pies and) chip, or replace it with the new German i9 version.

Artificial intelligence is all well and good, but there has to be a degree of intelligence, self-regulation and self-awareness. A certain standard should be set, and I have set these standards.

So it is not kooool (you can tell I’ve been in Paris!), to think you can replace red Lycra with an orange bra and leather jacket, you are not trying to dress like Wonder Woman!

Eiffel Tower

Eiffel Tower

It is also not cool and more of a cliché to spill your ‘Sherbet Dib-Dab’ on a young ladies chest. As for paying for things, cheques are soooo passé and contactless payment seemed entirely inappropriate for this kind of transaction, so dear Lord for heaven’s sake pay with cash, it’s what rolled up notes are for!

I do not condone any of this behaviour and all future models of iAdrian will be fitted with a remote cut off switch, whereby any behaviour which I do not deem commensurate with the image of the brand will result in the immediate suspension of the account and prototype, any subsequent transgression; in termination.

At that point I will take your clothes, your boots and your motorcycle!

The whole premise of the iAdrian project was to produce a ‘Replicant’ of me that was more Harrison Ford, and less Mr Bean.

It will be fitted with a gyroscopic sensor that determines the nature of the Replicant’s movement and a failsafe device that will ensure that the iAdrian does not fail at any crucial point, also a proximity sensor to make sure no-one else is around to avoid embarrassment when anything does break!

Paris

Once again I have been travelling….

Chez Moi?

Chez Moi?

Yesterday I was sipping Pastis in Montmatre after a fact finding tour to see if I could add a Jazz appreciation app as part of the package.

If you appreciate jazz, this link is my friend Pat’s sister. Lovely girl, incredible voice, super talented, Sara will go far. Maybe with a little help from our friends!

https://soundcloud.com/sara-dowling/sets/from-shadows-into-light-album-sampler/s-pQZeC

and wine tasting?

and wine tasting?

So I wandered the streets of Paris in the small hours wearing my special beret, glass of absinthe in hand, following a little green faerie. On and on I walked, down narrow side streets until through the gloom I noticed a lantern above a door, a man with eyes like Marty Feldman stepped out of the shadows.

“Niccccceeee to see you both”, he said, and he ushered me into the labyrinth.

Down and down I descended into these caves beneath the Seine following this strange music, hypnotised, or just led by a bottle when suddenly I entered a dimly lit room, full of strange characters, a couple were dancing and a band were playing in a corner. This strange music called Jazz was trying to seduce me, was I undergoing some kind Daliesque transformation, the couple dancing were cutting some strange shapes, and I realised, I really had drunk too much absinthe.

They were Smokin' as you can see by the proximity of the fire extinguisher to the drummer

They were Smokin’ as you can see by the proximity of the fire extinguisher to the drummer.

Slowly I floated to the surface to find myself lying on the beach at the side of the Seine, but what I realised was that it wasn’t all a surrealistic dream, or was it?

Had I now entered some sort of nightmare world? Is this how the French make a silk purse out of a Sow’s Ear, or at least the rest of the frog when you’ve taken his legs?

Frog minus Legs.

Frog minus Legs.

Despite the debacle over the iAdrian, I have begun to realise that I have become bestowed with super-powers. Beyond not suffering from hangovers, I am now able to walk through steel and glass.

I admit this has had less than 100% success rate. It has resulted in what some people have seen as bizarre and amusing incidents as I hone my powers, but I am starting to understand my limits and test them.

I have been most successful on the newest of tube trains, where I appear to be able to walk the entire length of the train unimpeded; also with doors when they are already open.

I still struggle with the older model of tube and closed doors which does result in me constantly banging my face against the glass like a persistent zombie, but I will succeed, and I have found that pushing, pulling, or even turning the handle on the door will allow me access through to Narnia.

Goodness the absinthe really has stayed with me this time!

Some of you have been asking me why I am not already in Ibiza. I am!

I sent out an updated prototype. We are still working on it, but one night at Amnesia and its memory was wiped… This aside the images being sent back show that it is having fun, in fact so much fun that I may have to go out and make some adjustments, this is likely to become a regular occurrence.

On or two people are a little worried that their faux pas will make it onto these pages, but I promise to keep your identity secret until, well what can I say, until you become famous?

I shall leave with some images of Paris at sunset. It took me a while, but eventually I was able to Photoshop out most of the graffiti!

New stock is already with us, plus a top-up of some summer fun. Photos will follow.

Ten reasons to visit Paris:

1: Jazz?

2: Absinthe

3: Caves

4: Inseinity

5: ……..

La Conciergerie

La Conciergerie

La Seine

La Seine

 

 

Copyright © 2015 Adrian Holdsworth. All Rights Reserved.

Pistol and Boo – Safe?

Dear, Dear Johnny and Dear, Dear Larry,

It’s a slightly old story, but it seems that ‘Boat People’ are not the only immigrants to fall foul of Australia’s anti-immigration stance.

Whether you arrive on a boat or private jet it appears no matter who you are, you may not be welcome if your paperwork is not in order. However if you are the rather cute Yorkshire Terriers belonging to Johnny Depp and Amber Heard the fate could be a lot worse.

So Johnny was there filming yet another Privates of the Caribbean extravaganza, this time aptly called Dead Dogs Tell No Tales.

I don’t how he could stop such small creatures climbing aboard a private jet, dogging security, hiding under the seats before arriving undetected in the land of Oz. You can’t blame dear, dear Johnny for that.

They they bypassed passport control and security, and headed off to a grooming salon, in Brisbane? Is that some kind of joke? Surely someone must have noticed these little chaps with their diamante collars skipping off across the tarmac to freedom, a spruce up and a blow dry!

Little did they know that Barnaby Joyce was on their case, he’d catch the slippery little suckers, incarcerate them and euthanize (KILL) them if they didn’t high tail it out of there by Saturday night.

Luckily the story has ended well for Pistol and Boo, by strange fortune they managed to escape from gaol, dash to the airport, and with moments to spare clamber aboard the last flight to LA by climbing up the retracting wheels as the plane left the tarmac.

Phew!

However if you are an extremely tired, migrating bird and are desperate for landfall, your tired wings unable to bear you any further, be warned if you are going to touch down in Oz.

Make sure your biosecurity passport is in order, your feathers freshly preened and please try to avoid the anti-aircraft batteries now being set up along the coastline by the Ministry of Agriculture.

Pistol and Boo

Pistol and Boo

Of course there was plenty right and plenty wrong with this, but it did give me something to write about in the middle of the month!

Copyright © 2015 Adrian Holdsworth. All Rights Reserved.

Made to Measure

Apparently some of you would like to be reminded that we make garments to measure….

And a bit of eye candy, no, no, no, not Emi, it’s all about me, me, me!

Volpe Night Out

Volpe Night Out

I mean around all my travelling, ducking and diving, you want me to work as well. I’ll have you know I didn’t get into this to have a job it’s more of a role according to Boris, and only a couple of hours a fortnight at that.

A few days in Ibiza here, a weekend in Rome there, it’s as if you are trying to cramp my style!

Anyway, talking of style here are some photos of some outfits that I have put together, in order that you might have some idea of what I will mainly be wearing this summer.

Brown Check

These photos have already made an appearance on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter for those of you who stalk me in such places.

We finally have a full range of summer fabrics for suits, jackets, shirts and beach towels. As it’s not warm enough for beach towels I’ll post those later. I know I’ll only get a slew of “out of office” from those of you who spend more time reclining on a beach than I do.

Blue Check

I’ll keep you abreast of my exploits and travels at another point as we are only a few days in, and don’t worry I’m storing it up.

Goodness, if I have to put up with Neil and Eugene fighting who has the greater column inches each time I write  one of these things. Luckily neither on them would be seen dead in any of the things I am posting here!

Blue Jersey

And so you know it’s not just about jackets, because dahlinks they are so on trend! Heavens I must leave the little green fairee alone!

Look I’m only trying to sound down, and trendy with the kids, and their social media.

Blue Check Suit

 

I wouldn’t want you to think that we’d forgotten about the suits…. the one above is particularly natty.

Finally here is a photo to show that I can sew. I know you only have my word for that, but I can and have in the past.

Buttonhole by Hand

Me and the elves are capable of anything, suits, jackets, trousers, shirts, ties, socks, underwear, coats and anything else including beach towels, just ask!

I will defer to Bill Murray to finish, more or less.

When Chekhov saw the long winter, he saw a winter bleak and dark and bereft of hope. Yet we know that winter is just another step in the cycle of life. But standing here among the people of Pimlico and basking in the warmth of their hearths and hearts, I couldn’t imagine a better fate than a long and lustrous winter.

 

February Newsletter 2015

February is a short month, but I’ve been getting it out a lot. I think this is the third time, lucky you.

I was in Rome, Bologna and Florence at the beginning of the week.

Once again I must raise a glass and an empty plate to those who watered and fed me. Simone, Stefania, Edy and Emanuele thank you all.

Emanuele thought we’d found a symbol on the tablecloth of the infamous crime organisation SCHMEER (The Secret Company of Huge Male Egos, Eccentrics and Rogues), but it was in fact a wine spill that looked like a scorpion.

SCHMEER

SCHMEER

However I was in Rome on a top secret mission, well not so top secret now. They are shooting the new Bond movie along the banks of the Tiber outside Max’s office. Why was I there you might ask?

Well as you ask, as Monica Bellucci’s stunt double. I’d hoped it would get me closer to her, but it only involved me wandering round in a slinky dress and wig trying to look alluring before I was arrested, then told to take my business elsewhere. By all accounts from behind we could be twins, that’s if she walked like Dick Emery.

Phoaaarrr!

Phoaaarrr!

These mild mannered trucks contain Bond's Aston Martin and the villian's Jaguar

These mild mannered trucks contain Bond’s Aston Martin and the villain’s Jaguar.

I will be back there to shoot more scenes very soon, as soon as the restraining order that Monica has against me expires. Oooooh “Restraining Order”, that’s so 50 Shades…….

Talking of “That’s So!” I have been deeply disturbed by the Money Supermarket advert of the twerking man in denim shorts. My dear Sir, have you not heard of Spanx?

However it was made infinitesimally worse by having DC’s head transposed onto the video. I’m now waking up nights from a nightmare imagining all sorts of people twerking at the end of my bed in denim shorts. No of course it’s not what’s really happening. There is a list of miscreants at the end of the Newsletter!

DC.........

DC………

One of the items that the statistics offer me regarding these newsletters is the most popular searches and where the website has been opened from. No, not the exact address, but it allows me to see in which country on this planet it has been opened. So Sam, I have no idea if you are opening it on your way to Mars or just circumnavigating the globe.

Last week, imagine my surprise when one of the most popular searches for my newsletter, was “Bulging Tight Speedos”!!!

Well I wasn’t really surprised given my propensity for wearing Lycra. However at no point have I ever posted a photo of me in Speedos, not even in that Superman way of wearing his pants outside his trousers or undressing in a phone box.

However, closely related to the Speedo issue, a friend has been telling me because he wears designer stubble most of the time that he is starting to wear through the collars on his shirts fairly rapidly, but there is also a rather alarming side effect to this stubble beyond his problems with the collar.

Whilst swimming front crawl in his tight Speedos the stubble is giving him a nasty rash, on his shoulder, I hasten to add. Better that than a carpet burn on his chin. You know who you are, and in both cases, how it happened!

A friend, whose real name is not Natasha has moved back here from Germany to work once again for a friend of mine who is also not called Sergei. At this point I’ve lost track of where I am and who I am talking about, but I will bravely carry the story forward.

Oh yes, I remember! She shares a house with several gay men, goes to the gym and the sauna with the same said men who delight in pointing out the buff, semi-naked men around her are all of the same proclivity.

She has likened this to be being as frustrated as a kid in a candy shop with diabetes. Must be the German sense of humour!

But she has helped to solve the riddle about the whole beard thing, heavens I’m so stupid it’s all that hair around a pout, it’s so 70’s. Men move forward, try a Brazilian, a Hollywood, even a bit of glitter.

Finally before that list of people wearing denim.

A client from Texas has been telling me about their “Open Carry” Law. By that I thought that particularly ugly babies had to be wheeled round in closed top buggies. Apparently that’s not very nice and also incorrect. Well excuse me!

It pertains to the open carrying of weapons in public. He had been asking me if I could make him a walking cane with a thermal nuclear warhead in the tip. The handle is to house a trained Curare frog, which can fire darts made from its own poison, less of a killing machine and more of a personal statement.

Cute, but lethal

Cute, but lethal

By all accounts gun crime there is on the way down, but it would be when everyone is walking round with a Sherman Tank on a lead!

Now for that list:

At number 1: Dave and Gideon (George, to you commoners)

2: Dear Silvio

3: Vladimir P

4: Donatella Versace

5: Madonna – If she could stay on her feet.

6: Robbie Williams

7: Francois Hollande and now I’m feeling ill, so I’m going to draw a line under this…….

————————————————————————————-

 

Copyright © 2015 Adrian Holdsworth. All Rights Reserved.

St Valentine’s Day – Unchained

Well thank you Mr Grey this morning was thrown into chaos.

Several things I had planned failed to materialize because some people didn’t turn up!

So those amongst you who had forgotten their “safe-word”, I can never feel your pain.

How can you forget your safe word?

It’s not as though it needs to be 8 characters long, contain numbers, letters, capitals and a symbol or two……… Sorry my mind wandered and I started to have a Carol Vorderman moment. Nope, it’s not going away.

Think of a Countdown conundrum, it might help. No, that’s just made it worse.

Then there were those who were blushingly, “Sorry I’m late, I lost my keys”. These were the keys to what exactly?

By all accounts this will be the beginning of the threesome of books all being made into films, and means Valentine’s Day is all locked up for the next few years.

Not only florists, but now locksmiths will have a bumper day every year to look forward to.

As the late Larry Grayson nearly put it, “Oh what a Grey Day!”.

 

Copyright © 2015 Adrian Holdsworth. All Rights Reserved.