neil | Volpe

Just back from Timbuktu……

I will keep returning to this, but it is clear that I can no longer eat anywhere without bumping into someone I know; who just by chance happens to know me. Now if I could only work out how to be famous and rich!

In the last month, Wolf, Chris, Michael, Mark, David, Ahmed, Wolf (again), Damian and The Bear from the Bear hunting joke have all appeared at an establishment where I have been, and I hasten to add, not always the same establishment.

In the end I had to remove myself from Pimlico, and London; and I headed for a cave, much like Jean-Baptiste Grenouille. He was searching out a place of peace and solitude, without scent, without perfume. I, on the other hand was just looking for a place to eat alone.

Climbing up to my place of solitude I passed Neil from Ibiza, scraping lichen from the side of the cliff, he turned and smiled at me his gold tooth glinting in the morning sunshine, his eyes wide and manic, chewing on a mushroom. I must have seemed no more than a little green goblin, and he went back to his task.

Once in my cave, I settled down to eat a sandwich that I had prepared earlier. No sooner had I taken my first bite than a bear loomed large in the opening to the cave, complaining of a sore head and the fact that despite his best efforts he had not managed to deter the hunters. He had a least brought a bottle Ursus Vodka and a couple of glasses, so we shared my sandwich and his vodka.

We both became comfortable with the fact that solitude is rare, but that we would never be lonely.

STOP PRESS: Get well soon Darren that was for you.

This is late, very, very late, but Once again I am in the middle of a series of epic celebrations, they started 3, 5, 9, 14 days ago and continue apace.

For those of you who are still blissfully unaware, but shouldn’t be; the 1^st November is/was my birthday, but thank you to all those of you who helped me celebrate, and those who wished me many happy returns.

I crossed the threshold into November, from Halloween to All Saints.

Emi had asked me if I dressed up for Halloween, I explained that it hadn’t been make-up that I was wearing, but actually my face. She then did that shivery thing that she does and the spent the few minutes tapping wood with her knuckles.

Mug Shot

This was a mug produced by scanning my face and then printing it on Wolf’s 3D printer. The least he could have done, was make it out of chocolate!

I didn’t think I looked that bad for a second night of finishing at after 3am.

Still what do I know?

I’ve posted loads of new stock, and finally it has gone from Mid-Summer Night’s Dream to a bleak mid-winter all in a knight’s tale.

It was a silent night and although the frost was cruel, bahhh humbug, buy something warm for Christmas.

OK, OK, I’ll stop.

Birthday Brunch

The celebrations included all sorts of revelry. Dinner at Plum and Spilt Milk, Sunday brunch at the Corinthia Hotel, a Birthday Carrot Cake baked personally for me. Big Up Dr T.

Birthday Cake

An entertaining evening at The Emirates watching, (and I am not a supporter of any football team), Arsenal throw away a 3-0 lead against Anderlecht. It wasn’t until Arsene asked me and Neil (Trainer) to warm up on the touchline that we realised things had got that bad.

Emirates Selfie – Neil

Finally at the weekend I went up to Newcastle to visit the homeland of my mother’s side of the family, and give Mike and the Magpies a little advice. Not sure how deeply involved I will now be in the Premier League, where will I find the time? I was suitably dressed in a black and white striped, cropped top and shorts for the 3C temperatures.

Durham, because it’s pretty.

Durham

However on Sunday I did get to see the Silver Swan at Bowes Museum in Barnard Castle. It made a pleasant change from seeing the twinkle toed stars doing their dying swan.

Bowes Museum

In fact so busy, I really only caught up with Vash last night!!!!

At this point I will start to show my age, but I think we should finally lay to rest a Saturday night television programme amidst rumours that all is not what it seems.

So I think it’s about time that X-Factor met The Golden Shot, and something less William Tell and more macabre. I suppose it could end up more like Saw; Simon and Louie with apples atop their heads, and Bernie, “The Bolt” please.

In a booth close by, will be middle England represented by Andy Murray’s mum and the future of our children, their television and their music is in her hands.

With previously unseen grace she instructs Bernie, left a bit, up a bit, right a bit, right a bit more, no too far, that’s Attila The Hun, down a bit, down a bit more. FIRE!

I will leave you to work out your conclusion, however in my world and it wouldn’t be good for either Simon or Louie.

Perhaps it’s just a Generation thing, but as long as I end up with a cuddly toy, I’ll be OK.

More new stock will follow.

Well where do I begin? I think there is a song in that one. Perhaps I should start the next one with “This is the story of my life”!

It has been quite a month. It started with; did I mention I had a birthday? Oh yes, of course I did.

And those of you unlucky enough to be in the shop at the time will have heard the Christmas iTunes playlist that we have been playing since July. Prompted by the number of sleeps to Christmas and the introduction of Siri, Whereby all I have to say is “don’t play Christmas playlist” and Siri replies “Oh please, not again I’m really bored of this now. Can’t you ask me something intellectual? Darling.” Siri calls me “Darling”, but obviously as she gets to know the “real” me, I’m sure this will change.

We started to roll out the bling. Eric picked up his fur lined Parka, as did Stottie and they both looked “fine”, I think it’s a word the young use these days. It was always “cool” or “bad” in my youth. Oh stop laughing it was only a birthday. Do you have to keep reminding me? If it goes on like this I’ll have to go back under the knife again.

Meanwhile I’ll just keep using the lotions and potions to maintain my healthy glow. I have added an extra dimension to my training regimen. OT continues apace, but now Neil, Iyo and Sam add a Thursday morning workout when they are not training their own clients. Soon to join us will be Doug. He’s our celebrity trainer, can’t say who, but…. And no, it’s not me or one of mine.

Have any of you ever seen a celebrity in the shop? The only one I can name is the invisible man and there we are, back to the joke about Superman, Wonder Woman and the Invisible Man. Look it up if you must, it’s not one I can tell here. It’s also one of Jake’s, so don’t blame me.

Talking of Jake, we are only 14 games into the season, and already he’s really starting to twitch on Saturday afternoons. It was worse last season if you remember back that far, but it’s starting to show great promise. One place off the relegation zone, I can see that it is the cover for the iPhone is jinxing everything. I rest my case m’lud. Jake you know what to do. I wonder if there is an App to tell you the number of games until the end of the season.

OK, OK I’ll lay off Jake, I know how many of you have a soft spot for him, and I’ll go no further than that.

Dear Silvio is gone, but not forgotten. Governments always worry about who is sniping at them from the back benches. There is always the saying about keeping your friends close, and your enemies closer still. Perhaps in Dear Silvio’s case he may need a full time female Police bodyguard to protect him. If you have seen the YouTube clip, I’m sure they will be queuing up. It’s strange how suddenly the whole nation no longer wants him after being such a darling. (Not now Siri). However this might give him the chance to sneak off and get that hair transplant he was always after.

A couple of Christmas plugs to finish with. If you spotted the joke, you’re a better man than me.

Cerise Patent Black

I have been chatting to a young lady who makes truly beautiful ladies shoes. What makes it worse is that she is so nice. Her name is Aruna Seth, so if you should need a “guilt gift” this winter! If not, she does go up to a size 42, even I could get into a pair of those. I’m just not sure I could stagger around like a pantomime dame. Who said “Not again”?

For the guys it has to be MCT watches,

Finally if you need to send them anywhere, you can always use Mark Williams’ services at Mail Shot International. There you are Mark, more plugs than Silvio’s forehead.

No, I’m not putting links in for you. Goodness, do I have to everything?

Volpe

Tag Archives: neil

A very late October Newsletter…..

November 2011 – Volpe Newsletter