Please read to the end. Really you should!

I have been up to loads this month and some of it only in other people’s imaginations. OK, OK some of it; in mine, but…..

Show me a Sign

No not just the board…

This board has meant that we have been inundated by the local nutters, each one assuming it is them. It was one, but we have since updated the sign to: several and are. It has been our most photographed sign, EVER, sort of the Lamborghini Veneno of boards.

Ibiza has come and gone; it will return, and so will I.

Las Salinas

On a daily basis the shop continues to fill with items for Neil. Skulls, antlers, skeletons, drawings, books and photos, so the shop now looks like the London cross between Inkadelic and Santa Maria della Concezione dei Cappuccini in Rome, however it’s just me wielding the tattoo needle in this shop, and my hand isn’t that rock steady, especially after the Easter Weekend in Ibiza.

I have erected a shrine in Neil’s honour and the beast above it has 4 heads, 14 antlers, 5 arms, 2 spines and 4 legs. I keep finding extra bones and I’m not sure what to do with them, but anatomically the beast wouldn’t look out of place in either location, all it would need is a dash of formaldehyde behind the ear as an eau de toilette in order to find a mate.

I’d post a photo, but apparently there are children who read this blog.

I also wanted to make this entire newsletter an homage to Neil’s talents, but it would have meant typing until my fingers were worn to the bone, and the God knows what kind of display Neil would have made of them.

El Hotel Pacha

Emi and I left Pacha at 5am on Sunday morning; we had missed Eugene by a matter of moments. She didn’t really want to leave, she’d been eyeing up the bloke dancing on the podium, and well….

Emi in Pacha

We missed Eugene again later in the day walking on the golden sands of Las Salinas. Emi came along on this trip to see her friend Andreea (Mona) who lives in Ibiza. Once we’d caught up with Mona, we headed for the Sunday night Party at Blue Marlin and Mona came too, I was taxi driver and chaperone. As you can see I’d have been fighting the suitors off with a stick, but the girls were inseperable.

Les Girls

Eugene had been partying solidly for 17 days, wearing the headdress, which makes him stand out above everybody else. He was the first person we spotted when we arrived. No surprise that!

Eugene Headdress

He appeared to be floating, which was entertaining in itself, he also said he felt the same sensation, and perhaps in the end he had discovered levitation at the “Burning Man” festival, apparently he was high! And still is, so no plane required home then.

Eugene Floating

Moving to other things beginning with E!

Emanuele in Bologna has been doing his bit for hospitality. A large number of you have been visiting him at Drogeria and the feedback both ways has been fabulous. I thank those of you who have been, you’ve made me look very good, and you know how important that is for me, when I’m not in Lycra.

Talking of Lycra……………. When am I not?

Saturday was spent in the company of Adam and Sara at the Olympic Velodrome, hence the Lycra. I was wearing bright pink for my Stage 1 Accreditation. I’ll wear other colours which will show me less scared in future. The prospect of riding was pretty terrifying; I stood at the bottom of the banking with 11 other hapless souls and starred up and up to the top. Did we really have to ride all the way up there close to the top of Kilimanjaro? I think we all thought the same thing at the same time as the colour drained from our faces.

We climbed aboard our single speed, brakeless machines and Darren (Instructor) told us to look over our right shoulder, pull hard against the barrier and launch ourselves forward. I’m sure we all thought we would fall off immediately, but no, we moved off like a slow steam train. Darren soon had us moving up the boards, first the Cote, then the black followed by the red and finally the blue, and back down again.

I kept imagining that if I leant the wrong way I would end up sliding to the bottom, or falling off, or worse tearing my Lycra, but we all managed to stay upright, and in the end Darren relented and let us go hell for Lycra for the last 15 minutes.

What a brilliant time. We raced our hearts out and according to Neil (Trainer) I like nothing more than the chase. Give me something to hunt down and apparently I am in my element, the hunt, the chase, set me on the pursuit and I am gone. Adam and I are going to continue our accreditation and chase to our heart’s content, it was such a drug. Nothing like floating above the boards, the faster we went the safer we felt, and at the end none of us had fallen off.

I have included some photos of what was an amazing evening, topped off by dinner at The Wolseley…..

What part of me hurt the most at the end of the evening? Ahem! Everybody who rode the bikes said the exact same thing, our hands. Why? Because we had fiercely gripped the handlebars so tightly for fear of falling off.

Kings of the Boards

Red Shift

Now for something that I don’t understand.

Yes, before you say it, it is a long list and not getting any shorter. Can someone please explain to me how this works? I book something through Tripadvisor or Booking.com and they continue to bombard me with offers for the destination I have chosen for weeks before I go there although I’ve already booked, and Amazon does the same. Once I have bought a Yodelling Pickle it is virtually impossible that I will want to buy it again, so why attempt to tempt me. Why not tempt with something which I may not have. OK, it’s unlikely that I will want inflatable toast, but at least try to sell me something different.

Sorry a pointless, but necessary rant.

Let me move onto things media related.

Firstly a big Thank you to Jay Brown, brother of Duran for wearing Volpe to the Premier of Locke. Secondly for Kiefer shooting the next 24 hours in London, it seems to have been going on for longer than 24 hours, but who knows by then time they’ve put the adverts in, it may total my finest hour.

Cinema releases have included a couple which I really hope Tony doesn’t want to go and see.

Firstly there is Pompei 3D, the story is; man versus a large exploding volcano. Well I think one of them isn’t going come out of this well, the next thing it will say is based around real events……

Also a true story! The Other Woman, is a film about man versus a trio of exploding women, once again one of them isn’t going to come out of this well. What differs is the calibre of the man, in one the hero, in the other the dog. Why not pick a fight you have a slight chance of winning?

I am also using the newsletter this month to promote a few friends businesses who lost out a little a couple of months ago in the debacle over the confused mail outs.

I have a friend who has a brewery. You mean to say that Adrian has a friend with a brewery, you cannot be serious. Why didn’t we guess that?

I am easily bought. A few bottles of free beer, and I’ll get your product out there. These are photos of full bottles, I can’t guarantee that they will still be full when you read this, unless of course he has sent me some new supplies.

So Stuart you now know what to do…..

http://www.arundelbrewery.co.uk/index.htm

It is a great beer, and once my eyesight has returned, I shall continue typing.

Arundel Brewery

And then there is Chris ‘Magic Hands’ Lambert-Gorwyn, he says,

“How much better would it be if you felt physically amazing whilst being also being dressed to impress? (Know any good tailors?)

Ever wondered why you have more aches and pains today than you used to?

Have you considered what your body will feel like 10 years further down the road?

What if you could wave a magic wand right now and make all these pains feel better?

If you’re like 98% of the population and you can’t do the physical activities you used to without some sort of niggle flaring up, you need to see Chris Lambert-Gorwyn now.

London’s leading Chronic Pain Fixer, Chris is based in The Light Centre in Belgravia and Moorgate and is currently offering Volpe clients a complimentary Health Consultation worth £250.  There are just 5 spaces remaining and the offer is only available until the end of May.

Chris has spent over 18 years studying how the body works and has successfully treated thousands of clients.  After suffering from Cancer as a teenager, he became passionate about creating quick and permanent health solutions to get people out of pain and restore their true physical potential.  This developed into the unique 3-step system of healing that he is offering Volpe clients an exclusive introduction to.

When would now be a good time to resolve your pain and start feeling good?”

Contact me to get in touch with Chris.

GADGET FIENDS listen up; Al and Stuart have come up with an iPhone case in conjunction with Candyshell to produce a model called Amped. It doubles the volume of the speakers and improves the sound quality solely down to case design without any power usage. Kids, let the parents have it, it’s the only fun they may get.

Candyshell Amped

Finally as the evenings are becoming lighter and warmer, I shall use this to wine and dine you all. Well to a limit. We will be having a series of evenings where you will be able to wander along and drink and eat, try some wines and some food both offered up by friends where such things are their forte. We will not restrict this to Italian produce, we will try to cover wines and food from around the world.

I will keep you abreast of events.

Lastly another sunset.

Velodrome Sunset

Copyright © 2014 Adrian Holdsworth. All Rights Reserved.

View from the top.

View from the Top

So Good Friday was spent astride “Il Cervo” as team Volpe assaulted Box Hill in Surrey. We managed 3 and a half circuits of Box Hill and Headley Heath, climbing that hill 4 times before I missed the moment when Adam fell off sideways, his feet trapped in the cleats. The way he said it over the phone sounded more like “I’ve got my leeks trapped in my teeth!” The muffled sound of hedgerow in his mouth.

Only he could do that quietly on a back road in Surrey, the last time it happened to me was in Parliament Square in front of a passing tourist bus and a collection of MPs..

Oh, how I would loved to have captured the moment when Adam fell to earth.

It’s all well and good having a smart phone, but when the owner isn’t as smart as the phone it’s never going to function at 100%. I was in my own little world as always and off downhill with a bugs in my teeth grin at over 50 km/h hour downhill with a hurricane behind me. Call me Walter Mitty.

From where Sara saw it, he just came to a halt and just keeled over.

Team Leader

Much as you all make fun of me for my ever changing and rotating wardrobe, Adam was the only one who changed shirts yesterday. He used the excuse to strip naked at the side of the road by just explaining he was a little hot.

We stopped at the top of Box Hill, for some photo opportunities and then on for lunch in a Pub. They didn’t seem to take kindly to anyone wearing Lycra and it took them an hour and fifty minutes to produce our food. Admittedly some of the Lycra was a little tight, or perhaps the owners of said garments were overfilling them to overflowing.

Team Volpe 1

Team Volpe 2

I must take a moment to congratulate Sara on her London Marathon time of 3hr 15min. She managed to run a marathon in only slightly longer than it took us to order and eat our food….. Her treat is in the window!

Well they’re not treats, they’re Mini Eggs, Cream Eggs, Smarties, Sainsbury’s own, and what appears to be everyones favourite, Maltesers……

There is a waiting list for when I take them out!

Shorts and Sweets

We have also had to warn a customer off. Well I did warn him several, but such is the life of a non entity like me with a celebrity stalker.

Creepy

A very Happy Easter to all.

Copyright © 2014 Adrian Holdsworth. All Rights Reserved.

Firstly welcome to all of those of you who are receiving this Newsletter for the first time through Linkedin.

Sadly for the rest of you who have been getting this via the other media channels namely email, WordPress, Facebook and Twitter, this is just another way of me pestering you into reading what little I have to say about what has happened in the last month.

It means that you’ll all be reading it apart from the celebrity ex-customer who asked me to unsubscribe him from the system.

By all accounts the majority of clicks of me in the red Lycra playsuit were down to him, and Diana the Huntress, who promptly forwarded the photo to all her friends.

I had dinner with Diana, Fiona and Jennifer on Saturday night chez La Wolseley, quelle surprise. It was to have been 4 guys and 3 girls, but the other men all bailed leaving me with the Three Graces. I’m sure I saw Diana dropping a little powdered Rhino horn into my drink. What is she trying to suggest, well the drink was an ‘Old Fashioned’!

The after dinner drinks took place at Browns Hotel bar, and the staff from Hix came out to usher me past, apparently my close friends and I are still barred entry, their loss not mine.

By the way, there were at least 3 other cocktails I could have called it, but I’ll leave those to your imagination.

Moving swiftly on, it has been a packed month, so much so that if the month had been made of Lycra, there would have been some very unsightly bulges.

Neil has been here from Ibiza, and I’ve worked out if I put that in early it gets his attention, otherwise he will just skim read it. More on Neil later and perhaps even a little Eugene as well.

You may ask why there are so few photos in this newsletter.

Well I haven’t taken any publishable photos since my last little missive a couple of weeks ago.

I hasten that I added the word publishable because of all the stick I was given for the little red Lycra number and wigs; I have to be careful what I post apparently, well at least according to one or two of you.

But the photos I have included are of some new stock.

Red Linen Jacket – Made to Measure Only

Vintage Merino V-Necks – Other Colours available

Merino Wool V-Necks – Other Colours available

Reversible Nylon and Cotton Gilet

Continuing the Lycra theme, Adam is running the Berlin Marathon and has devised a cunning plan, which will be almost Baldrickesque in its execution.

He has been testing a Velcro running suit and I have been helping him.

This has involved me running past him at high speed, he then hurls himself at me in an attempt to stick on; then I continue on again at high speed like Wile E Coyote and Roadrunner.

Now I will admit I have swerved a couple of times leaving him flat on his face on the pavement, but I just explained if he was going to latch onto a passing Kenyan in Berlin, he’d have to expect them to take some form of evasive action.

Still on the subject of Lycra, the other Neil my training buddy refused to run with me last week until I lent him a pair of sunglasses. Well I was wearing my super hi-vis, tight fitting top which has been designed to be visible from space and luminous pink running shoes. The only thing to separate them, were my Lycra leggings, which Emi thinks are much too tight. Well she shouldn’t be looking is all can say!

Anyway there wasn’t much chance of me getting run over wearing that little getup. One or two people driving white vans whistled at me and passed some rather off putting remarks, and a lady taxi driver wolf whistled me, making me nearly run into a tree, but catch me they couldn’t I was moving too fast.

I will not be posting photos of me in this outfit so you’ll have to get your jollies elsewhere, and also I think that the unsubscribed celebrity may now be stalking me; anyway I’m in training just in case Gwynnie decides that the look she gave me in The Wolseley, was more than just checking me out now that she may be single.

Back to Neil from Ibiza. He was here for a few days to collect his menagerie of dead animals, lights and trainers. We are like an old fashioned Western Trading Post. If you look hard enough you find all sorts of things.

Only yesterday I found a spider in the kitchen. Each time I went to pick him up and release him into the back garden it reared onto its hind legs, and lunged at me at knee height. OK, OK, I’m not that tall, but it was fearless. We battled for hours until I trapped it using a suit like Ripley in Alien.

Anyway back to Neil. It was a flying visit as I said so that he could pick up his purchases and head off to Copenhagen to see Eugene, and do a few tattoos. Neil had been suffering from the same virus as the rest of us; either that or he’d been on the lichen again, the serenity has returned to his furrowed brow.

Fortunately, it transpires that we will all be in Ibiza together for Easter. So this means more Lycra, but this time with inclusion of glo’ sticks and more tattoos. The beautiful Scratch will have missed her master, and the sun will now be warming her bones. A summer of partying beckons, and if you are headed for this paradise, let me know, I’ll tell you where I am and you’ll know where to avoid.

This weekend Perseus raised his head off the bathroom floor, pealed himself off the towel rail and returned to a state close to human. The 5 week binge was over and he was positively glowing, but then that could have been the lavishly applied fake tan, and I remember Naples when his legs were favourably compared to a cross between Rod and Penny’s by the Mail Online! Oh, you are so talented Mr Ripley.

And Richard if you have read this far…. 5km in 21minutes. That’s your target.

Ten things Vladimir Putin is least likely to say or do:

1: Walk bear chested into Balans at 3am and order a White Russian. (Or please insert any of the cocktails name you will have thought of earlier).

2: Sit at his desk stroking a white kitten on his lap a la Bond villain, it would have to be a Bengal Tiger.

3: I’m stopping at Crimea.

4: Up periscope.

5: Does my bum look big in this?

6: My favourite film is the version of La Cage aux Folles with Robin Williams.

7: Does that come in pink?

8: Don’t you have something a little smaller?

9: Silvio, Francois et moi, are The Three Mouseketeers

10: Did someone leave the gas on?

This newsletter has been sponsored by Velcro and Lycra.

The Three Mouseketeers

Copyright © 2014 Adrian Holdsworth. All Rights Reserved.

Firstly apologies, if you have received this more than once. We are still experiencing a few difficulties with our email delivery system. This is not a euphemism, let me make that clear, and that has nothing to do with the next paragraph. We will try to sort this out as quickly as our software team (Jake and me) resolve it.

So it is official, I am having a mid-life crisis, there’s a surprise….

However the cockles of my heart have been mightily warmed by your kind words regarding the newsletter and the coach crash that constitutes my life, including the afore mentioned mid-life crisis. Even one or two of you misguided souls have offered to step in and take over at certain times. Some of you are transparent.

Look guys it’s the only fun I get, so just join the ever growing queue behind me, your time will come or probably not depending on how generous I’m feeling. Which isn’t very!

I had been on a short list.

How dare they, I’ll have you know I’m taller than my own shadow when the sun is high in the sky.

Talking of shadows, I was running across Westminster Bridge when I looked down at the pavement, I nearly fell in to The Thames; at a certain time of day you can marvel at the shadows made by the of the cut outs in the ironwork? The cut outs are of three overlapping circles; just imagine how that image would look as a shadow stretched in one direction in the sunlight, pointing towards Parliament.  Someone had some fun with that. As a former government Minister suggested to me, it would be the kind of place that they will dig up in 30,000 years from now and list as a sight of religious significance, a place where some people paid homage.

Anyway, back to that list with only a few people on it, not that I have a problem with my stature, I enjoy looking down upon Dear Silvio, and little Frankie de Hollande. Not that they pay homage to me.

The list I was on, was of London’s Best Dressed, note the ‘was’, and the best dressed what you might ask, Crab?

Well I had been on it until I posted those photos of me in the red lycra playsuit Emi lent me. I blame her; well she blames me for everything else. According to the rumours circulating on the internet, we are now married. Oooops, who started those rumours? Moi?

Anyway she’s not talking to me at the moment, not that I blame her.

How nicely I can segue that into my next topic. I have an ‘A’ list celebrity customer or so he considers himself, he’s not talking to me at the moment either; and after this probably never will again. But as he no longer gets the emails, he will be blissfully unaware of it…..

By all accounts I have been bombarding him with unsolicited emails of me in red lycra. He should be so lucky. It wasn’t the only photo in the piece, but obviously the only one he was drawn to. He is a monumental star, and so offended by the image of me in red lycra, that he has replied to my Newsletter twice, on both occasions within a matter of moments of receiving said email, which made me think, are the emails of my Newsletter coming through more frequently than Hollywood scripts?

Mig, do me a favour send him one of those scripts you send out as a joke.

Matthew who was in last week, had been laughing at the delivery of a hanging box, the contents of which appeared to be entirely for me. He said it reminded him of those meals you have delivered every day to assist you in losing weight; except only I could get a daily delivery of clothing ready to wear including freshly pressed panties. Apologies for that, but I just like how it sounds.

Jake the wag, then suggested that one day the box may arrive with a set of freshly pressed emperor’s new clothes. I’d be able to venture out in the altogether on my bike apart from and apron and a pair of flip flops. Just when is naked bike ride day this year? Please don’t go searching for images. IT will be at your desk before your desk before you can say, “My goodness isn’t that…?”

Cast your mind back to the 9^th March; we had a very sunny day. Ollie was complaining and I agree; about pale, hairy legs, and dirty feet in sandals. Well you know my thoughts on that Dr Birkenstock!

I got up early that day, had a shower, a yoga session, a sauna, another shower, waxed my feet, a pedicure and a foot massage. My toenails were painted afresh, and eventually once the polish had dried, I donned a pair of linen trousers and driving shoes and wandered out into the DARK!!! What happened to the sunshine?

Then I remembered. I had forgotten to take into account the fact that it gets dark at six o’clock. My beauty regimen had taken so long that I had missed the daylight.

I was left to wander round the streets of London in the freezing cold.

Whence I encountered a Public House called “The Cock and Bull”, and on the chalkboard outside they were promoting a beer called Dirty Tackle. My immediate thought was that that was going absolutely nowhere near my mouth.

Talking of lovely weather, a friend and her friends are sunning themselves by a pool in Miami. Pah! Jealous moi? She was explaining that the book she was reading wasn’t challenging enough and required a little entertainment to pass the time.

I suggested the age old game of “Only Shoes”. This is a game where you have to imagine your fellow sun-worshippers, worshipping in nothing more than a pair of shoes, however, the more extravagant the better; sort of Carl Lewis in Red High Heels to give you a clue. Last time we spoke she was still drinking to forget the images she had formed.

I shall finish with a happy ending. This is the view as I shivered across Hungerford Bridge, it warmed me momentarily before I shuffled off in search of a pre-Christmas glass of mulled wine.

Remember only 289 sleeps till Christmas. Ta Jake, they’re still not going to get promoted.

9th March London East

9th March London West

Stop press….

Alan Pardew received a 7 game ban, 3 from the stadium and 4 from the lighted blue touch paper. Stand back there’ll be fireworks. Having said that, when I see Sig. Pardew at The Wolseley he is gentlemanliness personified, unlike the unsubscribed celebrity above.

Do you not know who I am? Well actually, No; not until you told me.

Let me finally add that those of you who have asked who I am in a relationship with, given my change of status on Facebook. It is with myself, it always has been, always will be. I love me.

Copyright © 2014 Adrian Holdsworth. All Rights Reserved.

Firstly a very big thank you to Wolf. He moved home during the month, and in the clear out brought one or two goodies round to the shop to share. Here is the new Volpe exercise machine in action, demonstrated by Emi, who was doing laps of the shop in order to keep fit. I’m not even going to comment on that; on the third day of Antioch, with my reputation. I shall have my vengeance in this life or the next.

That is unless of course I come back as a Gecko and spend my whole time eating insects and staring at the ceiling, whilst climbing the walls.

Space Hopper

Thank goodness February is nearly over. We have been doing a Happyathon. This has meant that we have been playing Pharrell Williams’s 24 hours of Happy for 28 days. So 28 days later, I have finally turned into a rabid, cannibalistic zombie.

This newsletter is going to be a shocker, perhaps even terrifying; about time I hear you say. Obviously after my Grand Tour of Italy and extended Birthday celebrations things are returning to normal.

So turn away now if once again you are easily offended; there are photos of me later as a blonde and a brunette, wearing a red lycra playsuit that belongs to our Emi, and my transformation in order to look like Azis gathers pace. Thankfully February wasn’t the month of Hop, or I’d be Azis. I should Coco.

No the playsuit wasn’t for charity, but there is a little of that later as well, and confirmation that we raised a little something in the process.

Well in the red lycra playsuit, raising anything would swiftly become an embarrassment! It was for a special project, and not just only about me looking ridiculous, but even I am prepared to admit I look faintly weird. OK, just a little weirder than usual.

Perseus, hasn’t been around; perhaps because he’d heard about my new look, and he was a tad jealous.  All I’ve had from him was a text complaining about a hangover, and not just one, but multiple hangovers. He says he’s tried all the remedies, and this may be rich coming from me, but how about not going down that route to begin with, abstaining and waking in bed in the morning rather than lying on the bathroom floor, cuddling the superheated towel rail.

The other morning I was sat in my local café (The Wolseley) reading the sports section of Corriere della Sera.

The idea is to look as though I am reading it, it is an Italian newspaper after all, and I don’t understand a single word. Despite having dated a very beautiful Italian girl, and spent a great deal of time in Bella Italia, I know little about their sfumature, or so I pretend. I find it easier to be my naturally dumb self. I mean if Dear Silvio realised what I was like, he’d feel threatened by my presence. The perma tan would vanish and all his hair would fall out.

In the Corriere there was a very entertaining article quoting France Football and their international list of “50 football bad boys”. It was an interesting compilation taking into account the player’s behaviour on and off the pitch.

The Italian take on this was all about soccer bad boy Mario Balotelli. He made it in at Number 10. Pah!

All he has proved is that he can’t dress and only good at throwing moderately silly hissy fits. I had more problems putting on that red playsuit than he had trying to put on his hi-visibility vest. This is why the unfinished roads in Italy lead nowhere, rather than to Rome; because Mario spent more time putting on his vest than laying the tarmac.

Mario has been their Meg Matthews, and frankly some of what he has worn pushes the barriers of what is credible. Of course the common link in this is Noel Gallagher, who perhaps was happy to see both of these characters transferred out of Madchester (sic.), just to make the Pretty Green collection of his brother seem normal.

My apologies, I had digressed. I was wittering on about the list, the top two players were both English. Number one was a 70’s footballer called Robin Friday, and number two; Neil (Razor) Ruddock. I have to admit I had never heard of Robin Friday, and had to look him up. I still rate George Best higher and my breakfast companion Vincent Peter Jones (aka Henry John Lewis), or cousin Vinnie to the rest of you, is and was just animal on the pitch, and no lounge lizard off it.

Well OK, we weren’t in fact having breakfast together, but I imagine that if the footballer turned actor had been there with me it would have all kicked off. He would have obviously ignited the paper with a gaze and a snarl, and may have even gone for that famous wrestling move known as the “Gascoigne Grab”. That would have probably got us both thrown out. Red carded at The Wolseley? What would Marie say?

After her illness Marie looks better every time I see her. We have breakfast less often, but Jason, Jayne et al always ask after her. Jayne and Jason are both brilliant. Does that get me in whenever I want guys? Jayne always replies to my email request with a splendid riposte, and Jason has transferred mon repose to Vauxhall. By all accounts he needed a bigger bathroom to place all his mentions in the Newsletter to the Stars.

I didn’t realise that writing a Newsletter was illegal, m’lud. It’s my defence and I’m sticking to it.

I am also using the newsletter this month to promote a few friends businesses.

I have a friend who has a brewery. You mean to say that Adrian has a friend with a brewery, you cannot be serious. Why didn’t we guess that?

I am easily bought. A few bottles of free beer, and I’ll get your product out there. These are photos of full bottles, I can’t guarantee that they will still be full when you read this, unless of course he has sent me some new supplies.

So Stuart you now know what to do…..

http://www.arundelbrewery.co.uk/index.htm

It is a great beer, and once my eyesight has returned, I shall continue typing.

Arundel Brewery

Then there is my Osteopath who I go to for repair when trainer Neil has left me a broken man. This man does have magic hands. His name is Chris Lambert-Gorwyn of CItyLifeGurus.

He says, “We all know the secret of looking good (other than being tailored by Volpe) is to feel good.  What if you felt good every day?  This is how our body naturally wants to operate and we just need to understand it a little better to help it get there.

This is what I specialise in.  My typical clients are results orientated people 35-55 years of age who are struggling with the challenge of their body not working the way that it used to.  I help them achieve quick and permanent results through a unique 5 step system I’ve developed over the last 15 years.

As a customer of Volpe myself, I would like to offer Volpe customers a limited-time offer of a complimentary telephone consultation to discuss their health, usually worth £75.  This offer is limited to the first 10 respondents.”

So there you go guys, contact me, and I’ll put you in touch.

Then there were the promised photos of me as a brunette and a blonde. So don’t tell me I won’t raise a laugh at my own expense, and as I said in these outfits I wouldn’t want to raise anything in order to cause offence, and no I wasn’t wearing this when I was padlocked to the Ponte dell’Accademia. Do really think I’m that mad; clearly you do!

If you are easily offended look away now……………..

Do you prefer blondes or brunettes? Aaaarghh.

Finally and perhaps most importantly….

In the Royal Parks Half Marathon last September those of us named in the photo below, raised the sum of money below.

Thank you for all your support.

OK, something extra from a Spurs fan this morning. He has been mourning the loss of GB. You mean the Scots? No Gareth Bale…….

I have lifted this from the Mid-September Newsletter last year:

So sales of Real Madrid shirts have gone up in Tiger Bay. I bet that’s improved their finances.

It looks like Real are going to be playing Crissy and Garry in tandem. Apparently they’ll be attacking from deep tormenting defences with their pace, running at them, their tight shorts and silky ball skills mesmerizing the centre backs. Perhaps, they could take it to another level, and run together holding hands, their shirts hugging their taught torsos, hair slicked back with styling product striking fear into every butch centre half. Today Cristiano is wearing a little concealer, this morning he’d noticed the beginnings of a spot, and he always wants to look his very best in front of camera.

By all accounts this partnership is working.

Finally to this particular Spurs fan, I would like to say congratulations to Ali your wife. It was obviously due to her perseverance the central heating is working, and hence her new job. Alison many, many congratulations, it’s about time.

Copyright © 2014 Adrian Holdsworth. All Rights Reserved.